Tweets by @AndyTehNerd
I’m so happy to finally be a young, thin, white woman who loves young, hard-working white men! I realize now that it was a delusion, brought to me by the Evil One, that I could ever deny the fact that there are only men who love women and women who love men.
You see, sometimes that voice inside is really someone speaking to me, and that someone would be the Holy Spirit. Unless it’s Satan. How do I know the difference? It’s not always easy, but it’s a good sign that it’s God speaking to me when the messages align with what some middle-aged white men have recently decided that an ancient text was really trying to tell us.
I realize now where I strayed from the path. I tried to follow my own heart, tried to find my own happiness by being true to my genderqueer self. Only, the Bible doesn’t want us to be true to ourselves, because we’re made of sin, especially women. It’s only when I confess my selfish desires and sense of fairness and standards for empirical evidence that I can finally find God.
Thanks to the help of Exodus International, I’ve managed to see what lead me down my dark path. First, sensitivity: Their research tells me that I shied away from physical aggression and I never wanted to hurt others. I was also sensitive to criticism and always wondered whether I was good enough. ”Inability to be comfortable in one’s own skin has brought an endless quest to have someone else’s – and never succeeding. The years of failed attempts have created loneliness, hopelessness, dependency, and yet isolation. Even from God.”
Second, this may or may not be the result of an inability to relate to my mother’s femininity or to feel a strong masculine love from my father. Sorry parents, we still don’t know if it’s your fault, but we don’t want to rule that possibility out too soon.
Third, I was probably abused. Sure, I don’t remember being sexually abused, but we all know that repressed memories happen all the time! I also witnessed some intense physical situations between my parents when I was a young child. Who knows if that made me afraid of heterosexual relationships? Then there’s the verbal abuse of being told that I don’t fit in with the other girls, which might have made me conclude they’re right, I’m not a girl at all.
Fourth, puberty might have been too confusing. All those thoughts and feelings, and if nobody was there to tell me how to sexually pursue boys in a normal way, it’s easy to see how I could mess it up and go after girls instead. Luckily, science as filtered by Exodus International was there to see me through to the bright side of life!
No longer am I a slave to the ways of the world, to the uniqueness and diversity of humanity nor the wonders and mysteries of science. I’ve found freedom in my personal relationship with my invisible friend, unlike the rest of you billions and billions of selfish people who totally are so full of yourselves that you’d rather burn in hell for all eternity than live forever in eternal bliss, just because you hate God. What’s wrong with you?
A month ago, elsewhere on the Nexus, I was having a conversation with a woman about who counts as a Real Woman (tm). I am of the opinion that everyone has the right to declare their own gender for themselves instead of being forced into the mythical binary. She interpreted that as me saying that womanhood itself is a myth. I clarified that not only do I believe women are very real, I also would gladly defend her right to call herself a woman. That’s when she dropped this line on me*:
"You’ll never need to defend my right to be a woman."
My god, we’ve found it. This woman has no ordinary gender. No, she has super-gender! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and deflect bullets, her gender is beyond questioning and above scrutiny. Unfortunately, she’s one of a kind. (I take that back, I believe Chuck Norris also is in possession of a super-gender.) As for the rest of us, we’re subject to having our gender card revoked at even the most trivial of violations of the gender code. Don’t believe me? Google it.
According to Ask Men, a Real Man (tm) is strong, focused, knows the importance of family, doesn’t gossip, strives to be a role model, makes his own fortune, doesn’t look like a woman, keeps his house in order, and can defend himself. Or if you want a more indie source, Mocha Dad says a Real Man (tm) has integrity, compassion, self-control, perseverance, bravery, and humility. Of course, we could always ask Urban Dictionary, which says:
A true man can best be described as rugged and that does not have any fears. A man has a good deal amount of knowledge about tools, cars, the outodoors, knows how to act around women by being a gentlemen, but is not always serious and can have fun with them. Men financially provide for others and themselves and are overall responsible. Men are clean, well groomed, and can have a very short beard to portray that image of ruggedness. True men do not think about themselves. They do not always think about sex. They stand up for what they believe, take responsibility for their actions, help others, they are self confident, physically stong and in shape, have a sense of humor, generous, honest, and are considerate. They provide a sense of security. Men are brave and do not need to show off for their friends nor do their sway their opinions because of their friends. Now even if you are biologically a man, this does not mean you fit my definition of all the components of what a real man is.
So what about women? Don’t worry, as much as society loves judging men, it loves criticizing women even more. Ask Men keeps it simple: a Real Woman (tm) wants a Real Man (tm). Chastity Call has a very long list, a few of which are likes being a girl, knows she’s special, wants to do God’s will, gives compliments and praise, appreciates her fertility, never uses other people, loves babies, finds strength in her husband. Then this weird site has a whole essay about it, a few points being she’s independent, doesn’t solve men’s problems, looks nice all the time, stays calm, doesn’t need much money, has nice dresses, runs late, makes men spend money on her, isn’t afraid of mistakes.
Apparently Real GenderQueers (tm) never knit scarves while watching TV.
Anyway, Ms. Super-Gender, you may never have your gender validity questioned, but the rest of us probably will at some point or another. And I’ll be right there defending them, as I hope they will me. Because, as you may have noticed, none of us have the magic power to prevent others from questioning our identities, no matter how proud we may be of who we are.
*Sorry, can’t link to it.