- Answer any and all questions about my body and my medical treatment no matter how invasive
- Answer questions about my partner’s sexuality
- Listen to their stories about other trans* people they know
- Listen to them talk and give them my opinions on trans* celebrities
- Celebrate with them all fictional depictions of trans* folk, no matter how misrepresentative or outright transphobic
- Congratulate them on their correct use of names and pronouns
- Obey when they refer to me incorrectly and tell me that I “must forgive them”
- Smile sadly and thank them when they tell me how brave I am
- Use the accessible toilet and be grateful
- Stay silent if they misidentify me as gay and cis
- Sympathise with their excuses for their and others’ transphobia
- Approve their use of the word ‘tranny’
- Act ‘gendered’ enough but not too ‘gendered’
- note: these prohibitions overlap with no middle ground
- Never, ever, express or articulate any kind of sexuality
- this one may be trans*-woman-specific?
- Stay quiet when cis-specific issues are being discussed
- Never raise trans*-specific issues
- Never get angry or upset about cissexism and transphobia
- Never call out cis people on cissexism and transphobia
- Not mention specific legal protections for transsexual people to my employers
- Only be transsexual without having any other identities
- Silently excuse myself from activities and events which structurally exclude me
- Do so without raising any attention or being noticed by anybody
- Not hang out with too many other trans* people or seek trans*-only space
- Never repost Asher’s “Die Cis Scum”
- If I die, die quietly, and never blame them.
And now the Nerd, for hir own personal amusement, presents The List of Things I Secretly Wish I Could Get Away With Doing:
when transfolk whom you have nothing but admiration and respect for start to reblog posts containing “die cis scum” with no commentary to the contrary. And you can’t help but sit there wondering if they agree with that, or are merely letting it slide unchallenged due to the transness they share in common.
For the record… I sympathize with the immeasurable levels of fear and frustration that must come with living in a generally cissexist and dangerous world. I don’t blame anyone for experiencing a wide range of feelings, even anger, for these sorts of injustices.
But turning those feelings and experiences into hatred and violence towards the majority, who are A) not going away any time soon and B) not individually responsible for the privileges our oft-flawed society gives them, any more than you personally as a transperson are responsible for the privileges you lack… It’s short-sighted, unhealthy, and simply not something that I personally can condone.
There’s a lot of things I could say— hell, even this— that would probably be dismissed or lambasted by SJWs due to my status as a white ciswoman. But frankly, I don’t think that’s a correct course of action either.
Bad things to say are bad, no matter who you are. Good things to say are good, no matter who you are. Is that not the definition of the equality we all are seeking? That moment in which someone is judged not by who or what they are and instead only upon their attitudes and actions?
So no, I’m not going to stand aside and let certain transfolk say hateful things unchallenged simply because they’re transfolk, any more than I let LGBTQ+ people attack and shun other members of the acronym unchallenged, any more than I’m going sit there and take it as my, yes, privileged family makes homophobic comments during Christmas dinner.
Because in my opinion, if we ever do manage to change things for the better, that change is going to come despite hatred on both sides. Not because of it.
So… I have some friends who don’t seem to understand the whole die cis scum thing. and they’re pretty cool people… They just don’t get it. But I’m not quite sure how to explain it to them. I know that a lot of why it matters is power dynamics. The power lies with the cis people in this case. Is there anything else I’m missing? (sorry to bother, this is kind of a complex question and I tried to google and got porn XD)
Lulz, there are those certain searches that must be done with Safe Search on.
Judging by the cis tears being shed all over tumblr, it’s working, and by “working” I mean it’s getting people to talk about trans* people who otherwise would be blithely ignoring us right now. ”But you’re being so mean!” they say. “Bad tr@nny, go to your room and think about what you’ve done!” Or else what?
Or else you’ll bully us? Call us names? Murder us? Take away our access to surgery or medication? Deny us jobs and housing? Refuse our access to the same public facilities everyone else takes for granted? Deny us our correct legal documents? Misname us, mispronoun us, mislabel us? Scapegoat us and teach your children to fear us?
PS. The correct slur for cis scum is “grue”. Cis is not a slur, but grue is.
I’m so sorry you are at a point where you need to do this. I too am (and have always been) at a point where outside of certain safe spaces I can’t display my fluidity or use pronouns aside from he/him. It sucks and binarism & cissexism are the worst.
Thanks for the kind words.