I had this exact conversation last week; he was all cissplainin’ me about how I can’t “just invent a gender”.  But it’s okay: he has trans friends!  He sticks up for gender equality!  Every gender but mine, apparently.


hey obnoxious gay/trans people of the internet

I do believe that many people are born in the wrong body. I understand that many of these people feel that way from birth. but that is not an excuse for every lesbian that feels uncomfortable in girls’ clothes to say she’s a man. or gender queer… whatever that is. Just stop being so confusing. Gender is real, it is not “made up by society”…it is genetically bestowed upon each person.

If you feel that you want to be the other sex, that’s totally fine with me. But don’t expect the entire world to understand you, because they won’t. Don’t get butthurt when someone calls you “ma’am” because you look like a woman instead of a man. They can’t help it, they’re trying to be nice. Most boyish lesbians don’t want to be called “sir,” so how is that waitress supposed to know that you DO want to be called sir?

Seriously though the world is not going to redefine the term “man” and “woman” to include transgendered people. MEN have penises. WOMEN have vaginas. I’m sorry if you don’t have one of these. If we have to start using “uterus bearer” when talking about abortion/pregnancy because “not all women have uteruses,” well that will be a sad day.

Look I love all people and I am not in any way against gay or trans people, I know its not a choice, but you have to realize that most people don’t know what gender queer is or that you’re a man or woman or whatever.. so just calm down.


Hey obnoxious bigoted people of the internet! You’re not speaking into a vacuum… meaning that we can hear you and call you out on your shite.

  1. Gay =/= trans. Sexual orientation =/= gender/s/non-gender/s.
  2. Quit hiding behind your fauxportive guff and at least admit that what you’re saying is bigoted. Because yeah, it is.
  4. It’s not ‘confusing’ to be ourselves. What’s confusing is the goddamn kyriarchy that screws itself into so many people’s heads, people like you, and causes them to get confused over a perfectly simple issue, which is…
  5. YOU DO NOT KNOW PEOPLE AS WELL AS THEY KNOW THEMSELVES. Thus, if a person says she’s a woman, she’s a woman. If a person says ve is bigender, ve’s bigender. If a person says he’s a man, he’s a man. If a person says they are genderqueer, they’re genderqueer. If a person isn’t sure, that’s fine. Because no-one can dictate someone else’s identity.
  6. We have every right to expect that the world treat us like it does cis binary people. You know why? Because we’re people. Just like cis binary folks. We have the same rights. And the kyriarchy denies us that equality, which we have every right to expect. The world can be a better place. Defeatism is counterproductive.
  7. The thing about gender/s/non-gender/s is that you can’t tell how a person identifies by looking at them. Pretty simple, right? So the waiting staff never know; they just guess.
  8. Why shouldn’t the world include us? Aren’t we people too? Don’t we deserve a place in this world?
  9. ‘Butthurt’? That is one creepy word. It has really nasty rapey overtones. Please stop.
  10. Not all men have penises, not all women have vaginas, not all people have one or the other, not all people are binary in either sex or gender. People may or may not have body dissonance, but that’s very individual. SO BASICALLY, YES WE DO NEED TO TALK ABOUT UTERUS-BEARERS RE PREGNANCY AND ABORTION. I could probably get pregnant and I am not a woman. Anyone telling me that I am is an erasing pile of failure who thinks they can speak over me about my own self.
  11. Calm down? We will not calm down until the kyriarchy lies in ruins around us. Because the kyriarchy is wrong. The kyriarchy is hurting you, it’s hurting us. Stop trying to tone police us. We have every right to our pain, our anger, because being misgendered fucking well hurts.

#2 bolded for emphasis.


Things I’m Expected To Do for Cis People in Return for Their Not Hating Me: An Angry List


After seeing bidyke’s remix of sanctimonioussilentagony’s list, I thought I’d sketch out the beginnings of one for transsexual folk. Improvements welcome:

  • Answer any and all questions about my body and my medical treatment no matter how invasive
  • Answer questions about my partner’s sexuality
  • Listen to their stories about other trans* people they know
  • Listen to them talk and give them my opinions on trans* celebrities
  • Celebrate with them all fictional depictions of trans* folk, no matter how misrepresentative or outright transphobic
  • Congratulate them on their correct use of names and pronouns
  • Obey when they refer to me incorrectly and tell me that I “must forgive them”
  • Smile sadly and thank them when they tell me how brave I am
  • Use the accessible toilet and be grateful
  • Stay silent if they misidentify me as gay and cis
  • Sympathise with their excuses for their and others’ transphobia
  • Approve their use of the word ‘tranny’
  • Act ‘gendered’ enough but not too ‘gendered’
    • note: these prohibitions overlap with no middle ground
  • Never, ever, express or articulate any kind of sexuality
    • this one may be trans*-woman-specific?
  • Stay quiet when cis-specific issues are being discussed
  • Never raise trans*-specific issues
  • Never get angry or upset about cissexism and transphobia
  • Never call out cis people on cissexism and transphobia
  • Not mention specific legal protections for transsexual people to my employers
  • Only be transsexual without having any other identities
  • Silently excuse myself from activities and events which structurally exclude me
  • Do so without raising any attention or being noticed by anybody
  • Not hang out with too many other trans* people or seek trans*-only space
  • Never repost Asher’s “Die Cis Scum”
  • If I die, die quietly, and never blame them.

And now the Nerd, for hir own personal amusement, presents The List of Things I Secretly Wish I Could Get Away With Doing:

  • Answer any and all questions about my body and my medical treatment with “oh, you paying?”
  • Answer questions about my partner’s sexuality with “but we are looking to experiment with a 3rd… interested?”
  • Say that if I meet their trans* friend, we must battle to the death because like the Sith, there can only be one
  • Admit I don’t know shit about trans* celebrities and really couldn’t care less to try to learn
  • Laugh in their faces and ask them if they also learned everything they know about physics from the movies
  • Never have to think about pronouns again
  • Know how to remind others to think about pronouns without sounding like a schoolmarm
  • Respond to compliments of bravery with “you should have seen the other guy!”
  • Hog the accessible toilet like a boss
  • Come out to the 100th stranger as though it were the first time
  • Figure out a nice way to say “wow, that shit’s wicked bigoted”
  • Strangle those who utter the words “she-male”
  • Not have my gender expression be analyzed for “proof” of my identity
    • note: cis people’s actions are generally excused by friends and associates as not invalidating to their genders
  • Flirt with all the people
    • and not worry about if I should know better than to think anyone would date someone like me
  • Roll my eyes and sigh loudly whenever someone raises concern about a cis-specific issue
  • Interject “and genderqueers” whenever someone says “men and women”
  • Be the trans* hulk smashing cis-supremacy (and not even the pants would survive transformation)
  • Set up a cis jar and collect change from people who say binarist things
  • Get to walk into my office in a suit and tie like a boss
  • Be a queer atheist white trans* parent with ADHD all at the same time
  • Bust in and make space for other people of non-binary genders
  • And be thanked for it too
  • Get a rental on Trans Ally where all the cool peeps dwell (in my imagination)
  • LOL forever at Asher’s “Die Cis Scum”
  • If I must take one for the team, go out in a blaze of glory



That awkward moment


when transfolk whom you have nothing but admiration and respect for start to reblog posts containing “die cis scum” with no commentary to the contrary. And you can’t help but sit there wondering if they agree with that, or are merely letting it slide unchallenged due to the transness they share in common.

For the record… I sympathize with the immeasurable levels of fear and frustration that must come with living in a generally cissexist and dangerous world. I don’t blame anyone for experiencing a wide range of feelings, even anger, for these sorts of injustices.

But turning those feelings and experiences into hatred and violence towards the majority, who are A) not going away any time soon and B) not individually responsible for the privileges our oft-flawed society gives them, any more than you personally as a transperson are responsible for the privileges you lack… It’s short-sighted, unhealthy, and simply not something that I personally can condone.

There’s a lot of things I could say— hell, even this— that would probably be dismissed or lambasted by SJWs due to my status as a white ciswoman. But frankly, I don’t think that’s a correct course of action either.

Bad things to say are bad, no matter who you are. Good things to say are good, no matter who you are. Is that not the definition of the equality we all are seeking? That moment in which someone is judged not by who or what they are and instead only upon their attitudes and actions?

So no, I’m not going to stand aside and let certain transfolk say hateful things unchallenged simply because they’re transfolk, any more than I let LGBTQ+ people attack and shun other members of the acronym unchallenged, any more than I’m going sit there and take it as my, yes, privileged family makes homophobic comments during Christmas dinner.

Because in my opinion, if we ever do manage to change things for the better, that change is going to come despite hatred on both sides. Not because of it.



quiltingqueer asked about Die Cis Scum

So… I have some friends who don’t seem to understand the whole die cis scum thing. and they’re pretty cool people… They just don’t get it. But I’m not quite sure how to explain it to them. I know that a lot of why it matters is power dynamics. The power lies with the cis people in this case. Is there anything else I’m missing? (sorry to bother, this is kind of a complex question and I tried to google and got porn XD) 



Lulz, there are those certain searches that must be done with Safe Search on.

For those who don’t yet know, “die cis scum" is a cry of solidarity amongst trans* people and resistance against cis people. (Cross-reference "the man”.)

Judging by the cis tears being shed all over tumblr, it’s working, and by “working” I mean it’s getting people to talk about trans* people who otherwise would be blithely ignoring us right now.  ”But you’re being so mean!” they say. “Bad tr@nny, go to your room and think about what you’ve done!” Or else what?

Or else you’ll bully us? Call us names? Murder us? Take away our access to surgery or medication? Deny us jobs and housing? Refuse our access to the same public facilities everyone else takes for granted? Deny us our correct legal documents? Misname us, mispronoun us, mislabel us? Scapegoat us and teach your children to fear us?


PS. The correct slur for cis scum is “grue”. Cis is not a slur, but grue is.


A murder occurred in Oakland early Sunday morning. As of this posting, there is exactly one — count it — one, article about the incident in the media, at least as measured by Google News hits for Oakland murder.

37-year-old Brandy Martell was sitting behind the wheel of her car around 5:15 a.m. at when one or two men walked up and began a conversation. A witness told ABC7 the conversation was cordial, but then.. one of the men became angry and fired into the car right where Martell was sitting.

“When you don’t provide a space in society for people who you think are the other or different, especially transgender women, especially transgender women of color, when you don’t provide spaces for them to be in a safe environment or a safe space, whether it’s socializing or services, this is what happens,” Martell’s friend Tiffany Woods told ABC7.

As Horace Boothryd’s breaking diary yesterday noted, there was an email notice send out about the murder Sunday evening, with a damning claim about police inaction.

Brandi, a transwoman, was murdered last night, shot at 12th and Franklin in Downtown Oakland after an altercation with a man who became enraged and shot her when he realized she was trans. An amazing #oo comrade tried to keep her alive with training learned from the People’s Community Medics, but the cops walked away and the ambulance came too late.

If you are doubting whether this could possibly be true, I suggest you read Politicized ‘Hate Crimes’, the OPD and District Attorney O’Malley, and judge for yourself.

It is true that Oakland is a high-crime city, at least if you consider the data per capita. But Oakland is just not that populous, so that you might think that each of the some 110+ murders a year that occur within its boundaries would garner significant media attention. But as of five o’clock today Oakland’s flagship newspaper, the Oakland Tribune, had absolutely nothing about a rather shocking crime that took place just a block from Frank Ogawa Plaza / Oscar Grant Park.

Think about what the newscape would look like if a well-heeled, white, Oakland citizen living on “the right side of the tracks” (or, in Oakland parlance, “the hills”) had been the victim. Or consider that another murder that took place at almost the same location in November of 2011 while Occupy Oakland was camping in the Plaza rated world-wide headlines. I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to determine how many articles there were about broken windows in Oakland on November 2nd, 2011.  

So this is how yet another (and another, and another and another) transgender woman dies; a victim simultaneously of hatred and a conspiracy of silence.


1: Is this word sometimes used to denote an identity or demographic of people?
1a: If no, this word is probably safe to use.
1b: If yes, continue to 2.
2: Is this word being used as a slur, insult, or negative modifier?
2a: If no, this word is probably safe to use.
2b: If yes, continue to 3.
3: Find a different word to use.

1: Is this word sometimes used to denote an identity or demographic of people?

1a: If no, this word is probably safe to use.

1b: If yes, continue to 2.

2: Is this word being used as a slur, insult, or negative modifier?

2a: If no, this word is probably safe to use.

2b: If yes, continue to 3.

3: Find a different word to use.