As a straight white man,
I’ve rarely seen that the straight white perspective on queer issues isn’t about reasserting the hetero-centrist perspective, but hey, who knows? Let’s see what he has to say:
I’ve got it pretty good. Nobody has much of a prejudice about me, there are no hurdles I must overcome if I wish to succeed. Everything’s pretty hunky-dorey over here.
An appropriate awareness of privilege, so it seems.
I only ask for one thing…
Depends. Is this “one thing” is even ours to give and his to receive?
Can we please have rainbows back?
I know, I know, they have been a symbol of gay rights for decades, and I think that’s great. And we should definitely find a replacement symbol for that cause.
Woah, hold on. “We?” You mean, straight white dudes are going to be all up in queer-identified people’s business? Don’t think I like where this is going so far.
It’s just that it’s a little unfair that the rest of us aren’t allowed to use rainbows, don’t you think?
It’s just that it’s a little unfair that the rest of us aren’t allowed to have equal rights under the law, don’t you think? Oh silly me, I’m thinking of my needs. Let’s go back to focusing on your whims.
Let’s be clear: Rainbows are great. Name something that wouldn’t look better with a rainbow arching majestically behind it. A centaur? Yup. A beautiful woman? YES. A smaller rainbow? You betcha.
We queers know rainbows are great. It’s why we fly rainbow flags, instead of bags of flaming poo.
Why does it have to be a “thing” every time I hang a rainbow banner over my front door? I JUST LIKE RAINBOWS.
Poor thing, getting confused for one of us queers. How traumatic!
We straight white men haven’t asked for a lot lately. It’s been give-give-give with us.
Wow, that’s so true! And here I thought that straight white men were a good part of the reason that it’s still legal to fire people based on sexual orientation or gender identity in all these states. Silly me, I guess I forgot it’s really the blacks and women and sexual minorities that are perpetuating our own oppression. Oops!
So please, gay community, do us a solid and give us back rainbows. We’ll let you marry or something — promise.
Wait, so straight white men do have the power to give us full civil rights as ought to be afforded to all citizens and fellow humans? And you’re throwing a pity party over fucking rainbows
This is exactly why I don’t trust straight white dudes, by default. Because they use their identity as a weapon against us. Because my life is a cute fucking rainbow joke to them.
So, straight white dude, this may not be the rainbow you’re looking for, but it’s the only one scum like you deserve: