Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
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Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'
YEAR 2083—According to students in Mr. Bernard’s fourth-period U.S. history class, it’s “really pathetic” how long it took for early-21st-century Americans to finally legalize gay marriage.
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Overcoming Sexism in the Freethought Community
I’m surprised that we still have problems like this. But then, maybe I should be surprised that I’m surprised. Here’s an excerpt:
Why don’t we see more women in our groups? Maybe because when Jen McCreight showed up to an atheist meeting, guys in the group stood around comparing her to her photos from Boobquake. Why don’t we see more young people? Maybe because when a new parent shows up to a group event, other members make rude comments to her face about how her child is disrupting the meeting. Why are we so overwhelmingly Caucasian? Maybe because a black person shows up and hears a bunch of racial jokes.
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Be a leader. Take responsibility for the tone of your group. If potential new members are being made to feel uncomfortable and aren’t coming back, you’re doing it wrong. As a leader, it is your job to prioritize the comfort of your attendees in programs, group dynamics, and communications. Try to put yourself in other members’ shoes and also ask for feedback.
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Promote a sense of community. Take the time to socialize and get to know each other. If you’re group isn’t primarily a social group, thinking about adding some social time. Go to breakfast before the protest, compose your letters to the editor over coffee, or grab a pizza and beer after that lecture. When you know each other, you have each others backs. Being a jerk isn’t tolerated.
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Moderate discussions. Make sure everyone has the opportunity to participate- new people, quiet people, etc. Don’t let conversation be dominated by one or two people who must “win.”
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Embrace and accept different ways of communicating. Whether someone is an aggressive debater or not, make sure they’re still welcome. The other atheist in the room isn’t your enemy.
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Encourage subgroups. Every event your group hosts doesn’t need to appeal to your entire membership. Many women appreciate women-only space to express their nonbelief and to connect with other atheist women. Here at the Humanist Community of Central Ohio, we started a subgroup book club called Reasonable Women. When it grew to have about 25 regular members and was beginning to be a little too large and unwieldy to function as a book club, we created a second group, Heathen Chicks, which is just a social group that meets at a local cafe. It isn’t just about creating women only space, for us, this has been a way to draw more women into other events our group hosts.
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Foster women in leadership. Groups with women in leadership positions tend to have more women. Encourage women in your group to be visible in leadership.
Why don’t we see more action to support equal inclusion of all genders?
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Gender Policing in Atheism
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Joe:
Is their some weird thing going on in atheist circles with the word ‘female’? I’ve been reading a couple of blogs and apparently someone on a panel used the word ‘female’ to describe…um…females and ONE WOMAN stands up and protests the use of ‘female’ as dehumanization. And when a man on the panel calls this absurd claim well, absurd, he got accused of being dismissive of ALLLLLLLL Women and a symbol of sexism in the atheist community. I’m sorry; getting bogged down in the use of word ‘female’ should be dismissed. There are unquestionably sexist atheists but I don’t see how that is reflected in the use of a word that the vast majority of people use with no cruel intent.
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Andy (me):
It really depends on the usage. Like, it also bothers me when people use "girls" and "men" together. This is most common in pop music (like "you be my girl and i'll be your man"), but sometimes people do it in real life too. If people are saying "females" for women but "men" for men, then we have a problem. If people are saying "females" and "males" like they do in the military, then it's all even.
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Joe:
Then it's the context, not the word. The complaints appear to be about the word itself and the reaction to the woman who claimed offense.
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Andy:
I haven't heard it. Maybe I'm too out of the loop here.
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Joe:
I wouldn't have brought it up but it has been mentioned on a couple of atheist sites. And let me be clear. That woman has every right to take offense but I also have every right to weigh what she's saying and call it stupid.
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Keith:
As I got older I began to understand what was behind 'womyn' and the dislike for the word 'female'. But also came to view it as going a little far in trying to right perceived social wrongs as opposed to actual social wrongs. Do keep in mind though, that no one has made any effort at explaining to me why using 'woman' or 'female' is wrong. Seems every time I have asked a woman who has issues with either term, all I got in response was "You're a sexist/fascist if you don't know!" I also hate it when someone uses 'girl' to describe and adult woman or 'girls' for a group of women.
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Joe:
It is a little troubling that this post appears to only have dudes responding.
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Asia:
Apparently, you're unaware that Andy isn't a dude....
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Paul:
There are more male head's of state then female heads of state. There are more male CEO's then there are female CEO's. Until that becomes equal then men have no right to claim sexism.
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Amber:
I *heart* Paul.
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Laura:
The conversation must have set off some kind of trigger for her. Sometimes even rational people go rabid when certain buttons are pushed. It really depends on the context, like Andy said. Girl/boy, man/woman, female/male....all equivalent when paired like that but maybe a little offensive when mixed. I have seen so called feminists call grown men boys. Using patronizing speech is really off-putting no matter which gender it's aimed towards.
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Andy:
I'll call my boyfriend "boy" when I'm trying to sound insulting, but only for jokes and stuff, because it really is degrading to call a grown adult by children's terminology.
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Jude:
I'm not offended by the word "female" as long as it's used as a correlate of "male" but I do think part of the problem with "female" might be old connotations from cultural folklore, like "the female of the species (is deadlier than the male)" and other usages that seem more oriented to taxonomy than to human beings.
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Bridget:
I'm still trying to understand why she became upset over the word female.
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Kenneth:
I like females. That's right I said it. I said I like females. Sometimes I want to have sex with them. Sometimes I like very feminine females.If a female don't like that then we don't have to have sex at all. If she wants to get an attitude about it I don't even have to like her at all. I might not even qualify her as being a female.We can fight about it if she wants. but we will have to fight in the nude.
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Andy:
Weird, I could have sworn I just heard someone say something completely irrelevant. Must have been the wind.
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Joe:
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Preach it!
80 year old grandmother speaks about her gay son, his marriage and the effect the gay marriage debate is having on her and her family
(Source: youtube.com)
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People-First Language
People First Language recognizes that individuals with disabilities are - first and foremost - people. It emphasizes each person’s value, individuality, dignity and capabilities.
Click link for spiffy table of examples!
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To All Those Brave Tran***s Out There
I just fookin’ loove ya’!
Listen, having the courage and strength to strive for what you believe in is beautiful. You people are honestly the bravest I’ve ever met. Sure, we all suffer from bullying just because we identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual/pansexual/etc. but trans-gendered people have the fucking balls to say “Fuck that shit. I just want to be a guy/girl!”. I don’t know how you guys and gals do it. The amazing top surgery pictures put a smile to my face. Reading awfully sad stories about how families reject make me cry. Everything you do is a nice big “SUCK IT!” to gender stereotypes. None of you should ever feel that you’re wrong. It’s all about making sure you are who you are. If your born in the wrong body, you deserve to alter yourself in order to define exactly who you are. If I could personally meet every single one of you when your suffering and just give you a massive hug, I would. You inspire me. You are the greatest out there. And I just wanted to spend some time appreciating you. Fuck, just…yeah.
The first time someone ever said she thought me courageous, I was confused. I’m not brave, I’m not even out at work. In fact, I held off telling my friends for years because I was afraid to face my gender. I simply came to a place where if I didn’t accept myself as being genderqueer, I’d have a breakdown: unable to function, perhaps even unable to live.
I don’t think I’m inspiring at all, really, but thanks for the support. Now do me a favor and call Congress to demand employment protection for gender identity. ;)
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No Lords, No Masters
To all you nonreligious people out there, here’s a forum for discussing human rights and social justice issues from a secular perspective.
Kyriarchy are the structures of domination working together as a network - not just one group dominating another. Its branches include but are not limited to racism, sexism, cissexism, heterosexism, ageism, and ableism.
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My husband and I had to shop for cars last year, and I’m the one more comfortable with haggling and dealing with people in more assertive ways so I’m the one who dealt with the interactions. We live in Texas, and condescending, sexist treatment is more common here than in other places that I’ve lived. However, from beginning to end of a week and a half of calls and dealing with dealerships there was not one person who addressed my husband instead of me or condescended to me. This was a very pleasant surprise.
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Those who defend color-blindness, or gender-blindness, or orientation-blindness, or ability-blindness, claim to do so in the name of equality. The general principle here seems to be that if we want people to be equal, we all have to be the same. Only then can we isolate what we really can and can’t do or have or have not achieved.
Except – not really. At best, it’s a lazy way to go about it. At worst, the notion that people have to be made to be all the same in order to be equal is a repugnant one. By blinding your yourself to aspects of an individual’s identity that are problematic or complicated within a larger context, you are not meeting the standards of equality. You are deliberately reshaping different individuals into an existing mold that conforms to a single, traditional standard of worth, which exists primarily because it is traditional and standard. You are taking apart individuals to rebuild into your own ideal, informed only by your own tradition and standard, and that means, in reality, you are part of the same damn problem.
Jen @ Skepchick: Why Blindness Is Not Equality -
Dear Supporter of Marriage Equality:
First of all, thank you for caring! I’m glad that you don’t need to be a QUILTBAG person yourself in order to take a stand for what is right. I do, however, have one piece of advice:
Don’t postpone your marriage to make yourself a better straight ally.
Now, I don’t know you personally, so I don’t mean to presume your particular motivation for your actions. But perhaps you happen to share a few common sentiments with others I know who are able to legally marry their partners but are holding off on it because same-sex marriage is still not legal in their region, in which case I appreciate you listening to what I have to say.
First, consider that you’re undermining a very important tenant of marriage equality: that “gay marriage has nothing to do with the success of your straight marriage”. The most recent example I have is Jay Leno telling Michelle Bachmann that he’s been married 31 years, and can’t think of a single way that some other person’s ability to marry could harm his own marriage. So now I ask you to consider the correlary to that situation: how does your not being straight married help me get gay married? Answer: it doesn’t. Unless you consider it to be a form of public attention-raising. In which case…
You can raise awareness no matter what your own personal marital status happens to be. It doesn’t take a piece of paper in the pocket to attend pro-marriage rallies, to write letters to congress people, or to donate money to non-profit organizations. Besides, it’s just as easy to stand up and say “we’re a straight married couple who believe that every gay couple should be entitled to the same rights as us!” as it is to say “we’re a straight couple who refuse to marry until all gay partners are able to marry!” Either way, your support of marriage equality is much appreciated, and we hope you keep it up.
This brings me to a third thought. Again, I don’t presume to know your personal life, but I have spoken with a few straight couples who feel guilty about their marital status. They feel like they’re somehow flaunting their privilege by taking advantage of the superior rights offered to their partnership. They may even feel like gay couples resent their marriage. There are many ways to deal with feelings of guilt, and I can offer one possible solution:
Take all the money you save by being legally married vs cohabiting (or what have you), and donate it to the marriage equality organization of your choice. Any time you would have otherwise had to get a power of attorney, donate that money to charity. Every time you file your taxes jointly, also calculate the rate it would be if you both filed single, and donate the difference. With all that money you save by being on the same health insurance, set up a monthly deposit to your local LGBT center. Bet you never thought of getting married as a fundraiser before! Heck, you could even take a collection for donations at your wedding and at any anniversary celebrations you may hold.
I know there are many reasons people choose to marry or not to marry. I’ve been married, and now I’m with someone I’m not married to, though we have the legal right if we so choose. Life is complicated that way. But if the only reason you are holding out on marriage is for us QUILTBAG folk, I hope I’ve given you a bit more to weigh in on your decision.
P.S. If you’re one of those people who are using the whole “I don’t want to get married till the gays can” card as an excuse to get out of a marriage you wouldn’t even want in the first place, you’re a douche.
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Too heart-breaking for me to be able to watch the whole thing, but these families don’t get to turn off a video and make it go away. They wake up together day after day as citizens of a state which doesn’t grant them the rights they deserve.
(Source: southernequality.org)
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What Not to Say to Radical Atheists/Humanists of Color
- We are all Africans—so don’t you (people) know that race is just a social construct
- I don’t see color
- How do “we” diversify the “movement”
- I don’t understand why black people identify with the religion of the oppressor
- There are no legal barriers to equality anymore
- “We” still have a lot to do on “race” but “we” are mostly anti-racist
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"Why I’m Boycotting Marriage"
Dear Straight People:
I get that you really care about marriage equality. But if the only reason you’re not getting married is because “The Gays” can’t, please, just get married.
If you don’t really need marriage, how are we supposed to make the case that we really need it? If your (lack of) marriage holds sway over the institution of marriage, how are we supposed to say that our (lack of) marriage doesn’t?
So yeah, don’t get married. Or do. Whatever. But don’t blame it on us.
Hugs!
The Nerd
An interesting read.
Thank you, anon, for sending it.
That’s cool. When you also boycott using any gender specific area or event, and also boycott going into public places for fear of violence, and also boycott dressing even close to how you’d like, then I as a trans* person will be able to say you have earned this cookie.
(Source: shutthefuckupstraightpeople)
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Be yourself. (via Girls With Slingshots #1454)
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Most cultures long ago decided this was very wrong. And they made rules against it, for a lot of good reasons (more grown-up stuff). First of all, two men can never create their own child. Neither can two women. And two men kissing— well, it just doesn’t seem right. That’s because it isn’t!
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
