For non-binary folks, every little action is used to prove that we’re actually binary – because everything is gendered one way or another, in our highly binary society. And they expect us to provide them with a perfect blend of gendered traits, or they say, no, you’re actually binary and you’re in denial, LOOK, you did THIS, that’s so BINARY.
JKBC of Anger is Justified in a post about cissexist gender policing.
The sad thing is, that second part? I do it to myself, kind of. I look at how I’m dressed for the day, how I’m walking and sitting and standing, the patterns of my behaviors over the previous few days — and wonder whether if it’s too masculine? Too feminine*? Too whatever??
The even sadder thing is, I’m not even officially out in meatspace. And although I am personally fond of a certain element of androgyny that can and does throw binarist people off, as soon as they hear my voice or see my legal name, that reprieve is over.
*Femininity being marked creates a whole other set of issues.
Yes, yes, what everyone has said, yes!
It’s true, I’ll never have a perfect blend. I can’t, I live in a binary world full of binary filters over our eyes. On top of that, I act as a binary at my workplace, so I’m occasionally forgetting where I am and what’s expected of me. Sometimes I catch myself in “work mode” at home. Even worse, so do my friends, and they point that out in “gotcha” mode, or else complain about how I’m too confusing and it’s too much of a burden for them to keep up.
Try living half your life in the closet and the other half as a freak and see how easy it is to maintain perfection.