Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
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Crochet Your Way to Mental Health
I have ADHD and there is nothing like yarn craft to calm my thoughts. Bob agrees:
What I need is something that will provide some tranquility in my life; something to give me a stress-relief outlet without turning my liver into a charcoal briquette. It’s got to be something creative, something constructive, but not too complicated. Something that will keep my hands and mind occupied, but not a whole new source of leisure-related stress. You’ve probably figured out by now the obvious answer I came up with: crochet.
What’s that you say? Men don’t crochet? Well, I guess that memo never made it to the men who have been spotted going into Loopy, the new yarn store downtown.
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Ways Gender-Privileged Men Can Challenge Sexism
(This list will be forever in-progress. Please add on as you see fit).
- Challenge sexist jokes, such as dumb blonde jokes or jokes about rape.
- Avoid using words such as “bitch”, “hoe”, “slut.”
- Recognize when you “zone out” when women are speaking, when you value a man’s opinion more than a woman’s, or when you ask a man for information or advice rather than a woman.
- Recognize times when you “zone out” when a woman is speaking because you are sexualizing her.
- In group efforts, take on tasks such as photocopying, note taking, making phone calls, or providing childcare, which are usually given to women; encourage women to take on male-dominated tasks such as leading meetings, or acting as a spokesperson.
- Use gender-neutral language (ex. Firefighter, chairperson).
- Do not tell a woman how she should understand, express, or conceptualize experiences of discrimination and sexism.
- If a woman is offended by your actions or words, do not use tone arguments. If she does not accept your apology, recognize that she does not owe you anything.
- Check in regularly with your intimate partner(s) to make sure they feel comfortable, fulfilled and empowered by your intimacy.
- Do not make sexist jokes about how your partner (or any woman) drags you to go see chick flicks, forces you to go shopping, has you whipped, or is irritable because she is menstruating. Challenge others when they make these jokes. Avoid playing the role of the long-suffering man who has to hold a woman’s shopping bags and put up with her frivolities and vanity.
- Be polite, thoughtful, and considerate to women because they are individuals who deserve respect, not because you’re a “gentleman” or because of chauvinistic ideals.
- When a woman is completing a task, refrain from stepping in and telling her or showing her “the best way to do that.” Of course, if she asks for your advice or requires help, feel free to do so. But recognize that women are just as competent and capable as you.
- Apologize if you realize you may have offended someone, whether they mention it or not. Do not say: “If that offended you then I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Instead, frankly tell them: “I’m sorry I did that and I recognize it wasn’t okay. I’ll try harder next time.”
- Do not use expressions such as “grow a pair”, “be a man”, “man up”, or “stop being a bitch.”
- Reject forms of media and entertainment that promote sexism. Don’t excuse sexism and discrimination just because “it’s a really good movie.”
- Recognize that just because you are a feminist or work to challenge sexism does not mean you lose gender privilege.
- Do not be offended if you offer to help a woman and she rejects your help. Although you may genuinely have meant to be a good citizen by offering to help lift heavy objects or holding open a door, accept that the woman does not need your help, and that this does not make her a “bitch.”
- Recognize that while some women do hate men and do discriminate against men, that this sort of discrimination occurs in isolation, while sexism against women is backed by centuries of literature, scientific discourse, power/knowledge, philosophy, media representations, “common sense” discourse, etc.
- Realize that representations of women that you might find positive or fair might not be empowering to women. Notice that the vast majority of “positive” female characters or depictions in the media are highly sexualized to appeal to a male audience.
- Understand that much of what you’ve been taught to take for granted (that you are allowed to have an opinion and to voice it; that you can take up all the space you need; that you can become whoever you want; that you can pursue any career or dream you like) is often painfully untrue for women.
- When anyone tells you to stop, or says “no”, or does not actively give consent during any sort of physical contact or intimacy, immediately stop what you are doing. Do not sulk. Do not interrogate if the person is unwilling to explain. Do not complain or make them feel as though their choice to decide what sort of intimacy they want is not an empowered, safe choice.
- Do not make explanations such as “I didn’t mean anything by it”, “It was a joke, you’re just sensitive”, or “I’m not sexist, I have a lot of female friends.” If you have offended someone, listen carefully and learn from the experience.
- Do not police women’s bodies by deciding that “women shouldn’t plaster their faces with makeup”, or that “women should stop dressing like sluts to please men.”
You can do it, men. I believe in you.
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Attention Young Cis Man Coworkers:
It is not the job of your woman work-mates to mommy you. Learn to mail a letter. A fax machine is not that difficult. The part of the brain men use to work on cars did not magically evolve to help women use office equipment. And above all else, if you need assistance, do not whine and stand there helplessly with a pathetic look on your face. Somehow I doubt even your own mother finds that cute.
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HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN CAN WEAR DRESSES DAY!!!!
Ever wondered by it’s okay for women to wear pants but men can’t wear dresses? It’s because dresses are feminine and men who wear them are degrading themselves with femininity, whereas women who wear pants are improving themselves with masculinity. What a bunch of bullshit! If there are any men out there who truly value women as equals, they will be unafraid to show that MEN CAN PROUDLY WEAR DRESSES.
So today I’m putting out the call to my surprisingly large number of male followers to go out, don a dress, take a picture, and submit it! It’s open to anyone who’s male-assigned or male-identified, so don’t be shy!
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Plus, I don’t really like my dad; he’s an asshole, so I don’t have much attachment to my birth surname.
Not a man.
Seriously, I have never heard a man say this. NEVER.
If you are a man and you have said this, please message me. There may be cookies in your future.
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The Secrets all Women & Men Keep
That’s right ALL. I’m now declaring this an official genderqueer recruiting tool. If you fail on any one of these points, you’re now One Of Us.
The Man List is shorter, so here goes:
1. I play dead to get out of stuff.
I have done this.
2. I behaved irresponsibly right up until saying “I do.”
Er… nope. I behave pretty responsibly just the same married or not.
3. I miss casual sex.
Yes. But since that’s also a synonym for “you get what you get, and if it’s bad, sex, sucks to be you”, I only miss it sometimes.
4. I have a security blanket, but creepier
I… do too. I’m not going to tell you what it is, either. Suffice it to say it’s not a memento.
5. I downplay how much I spend.
No, I’m pretty honest about it.
OK, so I’m half-man. According to The Experts. Now on to women…
1. We save mementos from past relationships
I save mementos from everything significant in my life. Often in the form of photograhs. Turns out, past relationships happen to be part of my life. You caught me!
2. We secretly hate you a little for not having to push out a baby.
Dafuq? Nobody “has to” push out a baby. Unless they want to. [Forced pregnancies aside.] So no, I don’t hate anyone for this reason.
3. We are mummies: The wires, the tape, the padding, the unbreathable 80% Nylon, 18% Spandex, 2% Cotton blend industrial body shaper.
Nope! The nearest I come to this is binding, and when I’m not, I don’t even come close to mummification. Never have.
4. We have access: The fact that your password is automatically stored on your computer and you never log out of anything makes it entirely too easy.
…Well now I’d just be giving things away, wouldn’t I.
5. When we say no gifts, we’re totally lying. Let there be gifts. Let there always be gifts.
I have said this because I don’t need a gift, I want a gift. And I don’t want an obligatory gift, I want a gift from the heart. If me saying “no gifts” results in no gifts, then the gift you would have otherwise given would have been forced.
6. We use Halloween as an excuse to dress sexy.
Nope. I use sex as an excuse to dress sexy. Or any time for that matter (other than visiting my grandmother). I use Halloween as an excuse to dress ridiculous.
7. We are divalicious when we’re alone.
Maybe. ;)
8. We pretend all sorts of things, including but not limited to: Being interviewed by Conan, having our very own cooking show, and that every single love song is about us (obvs).
Not really… can’t say I do this. Though I do a basic human amount of daydreaming, mostly about that it’s the weekend and I’m enjoying my free time.
9. We take long showers to get out of doing stuff.
Wow, I’ve literally never even considered doing this. Seems so obvious, though, now that I think about it.
10. We re-enact fights in our head with you, your mother, our mother, and our frenemies where we speak the impossibly clever and win every time.
I’m pretty sure everybody does this.
11. We spend way too much time scrutinizing our face in a magnifying mirror; I mean really.
I can’t stand magnifying mirrors, but I do this in regular ones.
12. Another name for shopping is ”Errands”.
Nope.
13. We have girl crushes involving lusting after a woman’s style, superior genetics, wit, and undeniable charm.
I have crushes of this sort for all sorts of people, including for The Doctor (10th and 11th).
14. When you ask if we’re wearing something new we’ll usually say no and act irritated with you for not noticing it before. (Remember to remove the tag, ladies!)
Excuse me? I don’t remember “psychopath” being an essential element of womanhood. It’s alright if all you test-takers want to skip this one. I’m giving you a free pass. ;)
15. We want to be wanted: Grab us, kiss us hard, pinch our butts, send a sext.
Yes, if I’m in a relationship with you.
16. We can be disgusting
YES.
17. We’re usually mad at you… For something, anything really
No.
18. We pretend we’re the female lead in romantic movies.
No, they’re often unrelatable.
19. We stalk our ex’s Facebook profiles
It hasn’t occurred to me that the best use of my time could be wasting it on somebody I’m no longer invested in.
20. We look at porn - mom porn.
Not much, actually, but I do indulge in a little erotica here and there.
Guess I’m only somewhat woman either. No wonder I’m such a gender reject. :P
So there you have it. If you don’t fit into all of the above for either gender, you are now officially welcome to explore the genderqueer community.
;)
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
