Nerd is my Gender

shanikins said: i saw your post on pansexualpride and i wanted to give you props :)
i'm like you, where i rarely fantasize about people just walking around, and for this i thought i was the crazy one. although i am attracted to the same sex, i still find certain features and characteristics cute or beautiful or just interesting in the opposite sex. for this, my girlfriend thinks i'm crazy, since she's a gold star lesbian and my first girlfriend. i identify as a lesbian (and just came out to my lesbian mom a couple weeks ago woooo!), but personality is personality, and if that's what attracts me, then so be it.

Cool!  Thanks for sharing.  :)

Reference post:

I <3 animated gifs!

I <3 animated gifs!

(via afoucauldianasshole)



“I’m sorry, bisexual activists, but you’re doing it all wrong. Instead of berating me for my alleged bi-phobia—and if I’m the enemy, you’re in real trouble—berate your closeted compatriots. If they all came out tomorrow, you could put an end to bi-phobia, take over the LGBT movement, and kick my ass out of it.”

Bisexuals by Dan Savage - Seattle Pullout - The Queer Issue: You’re Doing It Wrong - The Stranger, Seattle’s Only Newspaper


We don’t have to all come out at take over the movement, but can we please please please team up to kick his ass out?

(via sexartandpolitics)


(via jaded16india)

Dan Savage=Major Douche.

(via nimself)

You know who the real enemy is?  Not the closeted bi/pansexual/queers.  The real enemy is anyone who doesn’t support and even opposes people who can love or be attracted to more than one gender.  The real enemy is someone who would try to get us to turn on ourselves instead of working to push back against the hate.  Well you won’t see any of that here, because I support all my queer siblings, even the ones in the closet where nobody can see.

Shut up forever, Dan Savage.

(via victorianaaa)

Sexual Orientation meets GenderQueer

Is there any sexual orientation that is exclusively attracted to genderqueer people?  I’m pansexual, so I don’t really split hairs on which genders I’m into.  But sometimes I hear people say things like “I’m a lesbian who also dates trans men” or other such incongruities.  And it makes me wonder: is there anyone out there who doesn’t like cis people whatsoever?  Or are we genderqueer peeps the freaks who must always be covered by the person’s coincidental attraction to a “real” gender?

Sexual Orientation meets GenderQueer



Is there any sexual orientation that is exclusively attracted to genderqueer people?  I’m pansexual, so I don’t really split hairs on which genders I’m into.  But sometimes I hear people say things like “I’m a lesbian who also dates trans men” or other such incongruities.  And it makes me wonder: is there anyone out there who doesn’t like cis people whatsoever?  Or are we genderqueer peeps the freaks who must always be covered by the person’s coincidental attraction to a “real” gender?

Seconding this question. Either exclusive attraction or no, it’s something I’ve found myself wondering about, both in terms of “is this a specific sexual orientation?” and “Fuck, how do I refer to someone being attracted to nonbinary people?”

Got the answer from delineatingkaj and nooffswitch and lissomedreams and mynameislyddy: skoliosexual!

Question for everyone: “why label yourself?”


I don’t understand what gender adds to anyone’s identities. It’s an arbitrary title. The only thing you have to do to be an X is to identify as X. So what’s the point? Every quality associated with every gender is arbitrary, so why label yourself? It doesn’t add anything to your identity? —-a confused human.
This is the sort of ask that benefits from a multitude of comments, not just my own. So…
responses please!

I label myself for the same reason that I organize my clothes in my dresser: it just makes things easier. I see labels as descriptive not prescriptive, so I don’t worry about “violating” my labels by trying something new, but I do use my labels to help people get a general idea of what I most probably will be like.

Andy, are you a card-holding homosexual?

Because I have a legitimate question for someone with a better grasp on how homosexuals classify or define homosexuality…and this is after I was (no kidding) in “the gay dorm” in college. It was in a themed college in Northern California - and the dorms were all themed too…and our dorm was the “gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, Jewish” dorm.

So, how do homosexuals account for or classify people that have the urge to experiment and *like* it, but are “primarily straight”? There’s no great way to ask this question - and believe me, I’m one of the most LGBTQIA-friendly folk, but I still don’t know if all homosexuals are literally “born that way”, but I’m curious to know what someone of that orientation feels. Also, and slightly related, Is there any talk about (or truth to) the idea of a kid’s sexuality being “rewired” after some form of abuse? I don’t know if that’s still something people say, or if that was one of those things conservatives said to dismiss homosexuality as a “problem to be fixed.”

Anyway Andy, I appreciate you answering any of that - and if it didn’t make sense, I’m typing from my iPhone, so I literally don’t know how to scroll up and re-read what I wrote without losing it.

The classification of people into identity groups based on their sexual orientations is a recent development in human history as a necessary step toward political organization for rights. It isn’t, however, necessarily based on what’s most useful for people to relate to themselves. The “lifestyle choice vs born this way” debate, then, is also based from that perspective.

What we know about human behavior in all areas is that it’s far more complicated than that. It is useful in certain circumstances to help someone understand “I am not choosing to go to hell, I’m a normal healthy part of the human experience” as a way for them to come to terms with being themselves in a world that hates them. But I will point out that the problem is entirely external - if people would stop being haters, nobody would need to find a “justification” in genetic determinism.

But if someone were born one way, and then experienced a traumatic event (abuse or brain injury or whatever) and became a different way, how then would we come to the conclusion that there is even a problem to be fixed? Because its origins are something distasteful to us? That doesn’t lead us to want to cure Spiderman. Of course not, Spiderman is cool, and even a traumatic origin story doesn’t mean the end result isn’t amazing. That’s how it is with being queer. I’m baffled that people out there would suggest I waste countless hours trying to undo a part of myself that to me is a good thing.

Then we come to the heart of your question: what if we could chose? Granted, that’s still looking at it too simply. There are no such things as “free choices”, because every choice comes with a baggage of all sorts of good or bad consequences. We tend to focus on physical responses in our society: the physical response of being sexually attracted, sexually indifferent, or sexually repulsed by a particular body. But that’s not the only aspect of human sexuality that is significant in defining our choices and experiences. Personality is another: you know those people you just love being around, who make any activity more fun than if you had done it alone. Why not sex? Why not experimentation?

Well, it could be awkward. And there lies the heart of the matter. Awkward because society has wired us to feel that way. And sometimes people hear social training as something that you can just “choose” to undo. And maybe you can, and maybe you can’t. Again, that depends on the baggage of that choice’s consequences. (Go ahead, try to “choose” to walk down the street stark naked in front of an elementary school building, see what sorts of psychological and social trauma you might manage to escape.) It’s what is known philosophically as “compulsory heterosexuality” (this is where you have fun Googling, hint hint).

I’m pansexual. That means I don’t experience attraction along the linear scale ranging from homosexual-bisexual-heterosexual. It’s more like wibbly wobbly sexy wexy feelings all around. That means, I absolutely can have a choice in who I am attracted to and who I am not. Granted, my choice isn’t always the final say in the matter, there are some things I’m genuinely repulsed by (independent of gender or genitalia). I might have difficulty getting it on with someone who is a real jerk, or who thinks they’re a psychic vampire, or who is covered in weird pimples, for example. I am definitely into people who are smart and funny in a pleasant disarming way, and who care about me as a person. But damn, 7 billion people on the planet? Of course I’m making some choices.

tl;dr - You might be labeled “bicurious” or “heteroflexible”. If that sort of thing even matters.


The Special Snowflake Club: “Ruining Everything Ever” - Now accepting applications! 


I decided it was time to recruit members for the club. 

We’re really selective. 

And horrible. 


I love us. 

Too funny!

(via lgbtlaughs)

Questioning Pride

know how some people are gender-fluid? i’m thinking i must be sexuality-fluid. i have no idea why i’m attracted to certain people, when i’ll be attracted to certain people, etc. sometimes 6 hours difference can change whether a certain act or person sounds exciting or boring. i can’t figure out out, i’m pretty sure i’ll never be able to figure out out, and i’ve lost interest in trying to figure it out.

even saying “i’m attracted to X” doesn’t mean “i am right now”, it only means “i am at times attracted to X, and it seems to be a recurring thing”

to make matters worse, i’m really attracted to my boyfriend but i have no idea if that means i’ll actually want to have sex with him tonight, but i honestly can’t remember the last time we did (it’s been over a week at least) and nobody wants to have a flaky partner like me

to make matters even worser, i’m pretty sure trying to sexual with certain people and not others actively reduces my ability to connect with my desires when i need to, because i have to repress them in certain circumstances. not that i’m complaining that i should be allowed to be a creep and a cheater and a harasser, just that it’s pretty obvious that i am super-clueless as to how i could ever have anything resembling a functional sexuality.

i call myself bisexual, pansexual, queer… but i actually am “questioning” and always have been and always will be, but there’s no “questioning” pride, no “questioning” community, no space for people like me to set up a “questioning” permanent residence.

“Suffice it to say, if simply recognizing differences between female and male bodies is tantamount to essentialism and binarism, then that means that *all* heterosexual and homosexual people are heterosexist and binarist, because they are sexually attracted to one but not the other. It also means that *all* transsexuals who physically transition are essentialist and binarist, on the basis that we choose to be one sex rather than the other. Once again, calling out a bisexual person’s experience of sex differences as “essentialist” and “binarist,” while playing no heed to gay, lesbian, and trans people’s experiences of sex differences, can only be viewed as monosexist.”

Julia Serano’s “Excluded” page 89