Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
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Nerd is my Gender
What is your gender? Man, woman, boy, girl, femme, bear, whatever?
Mine is nerd. By that I mean, everything I’ve ever done that was nerdy fit me in a way that is beyond masculine or feminine. I do not feel male or female. My body doesn’t fit my gender, nor is there a body for my gender.
“Are you a girl?” Yes, well maybe, but no, wait, that’s not really it…
“Are you a boy?” No, it’s not it either, it’s just that…
“Well, what are you?” I don’t know, I’m just my nerdy self.
Gender is tied in closely with sexuality, and mine is no different. I am almost exclusively attracted to other nerds. I am a homo-nerd, nerd-queer.
Do not expect a nerd to look or act a particular way. This often leads people to confuse us with geeks and dorks. What is the difference? Nerd? Geek? or Dork?
So tell me: what is your gender?
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Why This GQ Loves the Internet
On the internet, this genderqueer can present as genderqueer! Nobody can see my body, hear my voice, know my background unless I let them. My sex fades into the background, my gender becomes manifest.
Does anyone else delight in this too?
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Spinster Aunt bans dudes from I Blame the Patriarchy
It’s her safe space, she can do what she wants, I get it. But as a qenderqueer person, I have to wonder exactly where the line is drawn. What if a nonbinary person uses “he/him” pronouns? What if a trans* person acts too masculine, or mentions birth-assignment as being anything too male? She says people can bypass the sex restrictions by going incognito, but I lived 23 years of my life cleverly disguised as a girl, and I’m not about to be forced back into that broken mold!
Damn, that’s problematic. VERY problematic. It is her space, and as such she is entitled to make her own rules - but that doesn’t stop those rules being problematic. Right. The rule works in a binary, cis, normative world. But we don’t live in one of those. What happens to CAMAB/MAAB women? In the comments it is mentioned that ‘MTFs’ (broken terminology alert, broken terminology alert) are okay to comment, but are trans women likely to if they read on and find another commenter remarking that ‘“transwomen” are men’ with no dissent? If they mention their experiences of being thought to be a man, do they get banned? What happens to CAFAB/FAAB men? Are they allowed to comment by virtue of having been born with vaginas and if not are their experiences to be silenced? What about non-binary folks of all stripes? Are we allowed to comment at all? Does our commenting ability depend on our genitalia? And how the hell do you police whether someone is a man or not over the internet? Nothing is innately male or innately female or innately anything else.
And frankly, men, even cis, straight, normative men, do have shit to blame the patriarchy for. They’re massively privileged in many ways by it, but that doesn’t mean they have no right to blame it. We all do. Those of all assigned sexes/genders. Of all genders/non-genders. Of all genital configurations. The patriarchy screws all of us. Some more than others, but all are messed up. Yes, I too have come across men who mansplain stuff. It’s not good. And the way cis males especially are socialised, they’re always going to have to be on the lookout for a tendency to do that, since male privilege does exist and does make a massive difference. But that doesn’t justify making a snap judgement of an entire large portion of the population with boundaries that are unclear and erasive.
So yes. Cissexism. Binarism. Normativity. Identity policing. STFU & EYDS. Ban mansplainers and privilege deniers by all means, but don’t do it by banning people by gender.
Submitted by andythenerd. Thank you!
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Really, It Didn't Make It Better... By, Bil Browning
Kinda sad that this is happening. I remember the first days of the project, when it was queers talking to other queers, mentor-to-youth. If only we could return to that. If you want to make a difference, please support your local youth organization, such as Growing American Youth, to help insure that it really does get better.
I keep saying it and keep saying it…. The It Gets Better campaign has turned into a commercial enterprise now. Need more proof? How about some cranberry and pomegranate flavored “It Gets Better” chapstick?
The worst part? I still got chapped lips in Minneapolis even though I used it constantly. It didn’t make it better at all. Go figure.
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Genderqueer is when you hope the coin lands on its edge.
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Future U.S. History Students: 'It's Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage'
YEAR 2083—According to students in Mr. Bernard’s fourth-period U.S. history class, it’s “really pathetic” how long it took for early-21st-century Americans to finally legalize gay marriage.
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This is applicable to everyone: you want to grow out your bush and never shave for the rest of your life? That’s okay. You want to wax or sugar it all off so you’re as smooth as silk down there? That’s okay. You want to trim it, leave a strip, round it out, keep it low, thin it out, braid it, shave just your balls, shave just your pussy lips, keep it business in the front and party in the back? That’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not feminine enough, or sexy enough if you choose to keep your bush. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re not radical enough, or queer enough if you choose to make it bare.Katie West (via sexisnottheenemy)
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Aww, they’re so cute! And they’re making it better. Awesomeness.
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Preach it!
80 year old grandmother speaks about her gay son, his marriage and the effect the gay marriage debate is having on her and her family
(Source: youtube.com)
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Heterosexual Questionnaire, featuring Greta Christina!
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Trans* Pun
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Andy (me):
I can't get out of this binder.
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Ben:
It's a boobie trap!
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Andy (me):
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T-Friendly Bathroom Initiative in Chicago
GenderQueer Chicago has launched an initiative to have friendly Chicago businesses identify themselves to trans customers. Talk about turning the bathroom meme on its head. It’s positive, it’s proactive, it puts the lie to the bathroom meme…I think I like this idea! What say you, transfolk?
CHICAGO- In an unprecedented effort to make the city of Chicago safer for transgender individuals, local youth organizers have launched the “T-Friendly Bathroom Initiative,” a grassroots community project that challenges business owners to protect gender identity in their public restrooms.
In 2011, more than 500 businesses and organizations will be asked to sign a pledge that commits them to allowing gender-variant customers to use the bathroom of their choice. Businesses that sign the pledge will be awarded a window decal, so that gender-variant people can easily identify trans-friendly businesses.
“We expect this will dramatically improve the way transgender people experience our city and state” said Kate Sosin, Co-Founder of Genderqueer Chicago and a project organizer. “We want business owners to understand that under the Illinois Human Rights Act, it is not just their right to protect transgender people in bathrooms, it is their duty.”
Gender identity and expression is protected under the Illinois Human Rights Act, but everyday, countless transgender people are harassed in public restrooms for not “passing” as male or female. This policing often results in violence against gender-variant people. It can also mean health complications for those who are not allowed regular access to bathrooms.
“This project is a critical reminder that trans folk can empower themselves to achieve something positive,” said fellow organizer, Christina Kahrl of Equality Illinois. “What we’re getting to do here is change the dynamic, so that we don’t just limit ourselves to protesting against those businesses and organizations who wrong trans folk.”
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Go Chicago! Maybe next we can get St Louis to step up to the plate?
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How can you tell if a femme is queer?
Tell-tale Signs a Queer Femme is Queer:
She is WAY over-dressed
She has swagger
She tells loud stories and funny jokes and tries not to let anyone around her feel uncomfortable
If you make eye contact with her she does not break it, in fact she smiles back at you
If you talk to her she’s flirtatious
She owns a pair of cat-eye glasses
She has visible tattoos
She uses ambiguous pronouns to talk about her exes
She has extensive knowledge of women’s history, feminist art, and is involved with political issues of all sorts
She looks straight but all her friends are big dykes
…
I’m sorry, that answer is incorrect. The correct answer is: ASK
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![Role of Privilege in Polyamorous Relationship Structures. [Image: Venn diagram. Male and couple privileges overlap as “We have a one-penis policy. My partners can have other women but not other men.” Male privilege overlaps with entitlement as “I get to have a harem, but none of my women can have anyone else.” Couple privilege and entitlement overlap as “We have veto power, because our relationship always comes first.” All three overlap as “We’re looking for an attractive bisexual woman to move in with us and to be with both of us exclusively. She will be lucky to share in all the love we have to offer her!”]
I was in a relationship once where my partner instituted a single-penis rule. I should have instituted a single-vagina rule, but instead I simply told him he was full of shit and promptly ignored his “rule”. I refuse to allow someone to tell me to discriminate against others based on body parts or gender identity (which is why that circle really should read “cis male privilege”).
Do bisexual men, pansexual masculine-identified people, or even anyone who isn’t a straight cis man or a bisexual cis woman - do any of these people even exist in poly communities? Or do we simply embrace what can seem “hot” and “normal” in a misguided attempt to fit in with mainstream culture. I get that it helps to look “normal” when trying to get civil rights owed us. Atheists have to constantly prove that we have morals. Latin@s have to constantly fight against looking undocumented (whatever that even looks like). Oppression sucks and “othering” stereotypes suck. But to establish a hierarchy of who holds rank within the poly community at large will lead to its own internal oppression and othering.
What bothers me most about the role of privilege in poly relationships, though, is how much ownership there is. There’s a clear hierarchy of who gets to tell whom what to do, be it man over woman, man over women, couple over woman, or any other examples that weren’t included in the chart. I’m not saying that people can’t establish a system of ownership that works for them. I am saying that people shouldn’t have a de facto system of ownership* with the notion that if they never write it down or discuss it then it doesn’t exist, and they can be Elite Independent Hierarchy-Free Enlightened Poly People! Ignoring your couple privilege makes you a Privilege Denying Dude, and if you don’t know what’s wrong with that, then you have much to learn, my padawan.
*(Do you own property together? You in effect own shares of stock in each other’s lives. Are you married? Look out, you REALLY own each other! If you can’t drop the other person today and walk away without a financial or social fall-out, you have a degree of ownership in each other’s lives. Again, this is okay if it’s what you want. Just acknowledge it for what it is instead of ignoring it, so that you can make more effective relationship decisions.)](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lekv0jCTOW1qckmrto1_250.gif)
Role of Privilege in Polyamorous Relationship Structures. [Image: Venn diagram. Male and couple privileges overlap as “We have a one-penis policy. My partners can have other women but not other men.” Male privilege overlaps with entitlement as “I get to have a harem, but none of my women can have anyone else.” Couple privilege and entitlement overlap as “We have veto power, because our relationship always comes first.” All three overlap as “We’re looking for an attractive bisexual woman to move in with us and to be with both of us exclusively. She will be lucky to share in all the love we have to offer her!”]
I was in a relationship once where my partner instituted a single-penis rule. I should have instituted a single-vagina rule, but instead I simply told him he was full of shit and promptly ignored his “rule”. I refuse to allow someone to tell me to discriminate against others based on body parts or gender identity (which is why that circle really should read “cis male privilege”).
Do bisexual men, pansexual masculine-identified people, or even anyone who isn’t a straight cis man or a bisexual cis woman - do any of these people even exist in poly communities? Or do we simply embrace what can seem “hot” and “normal” in a misguided attempt to fit in with mainstream culture. I get that it helps to look “normal” when trying to get civil rights owed us. Atheists have to constantly prove that we have morals. Latin@s have to constantly fight against looking undocumented (whatever that even looks like). Oppression sucks and “othering” stereotypes suck. But to establish a hierarchy of who holds rank within the poly community at large will lead to its own internal oppression and othering.
What bothers me most about the role of privilege in poly relationships, though, is how much ownership there is. There’s a clear hierarchy of who gets to tell whom what to do, be it man over woman, man over women, couple over woman, or any other examples that weren’t included in the chart. I’m not saying that people can’t establish a system of ownership that works for them. I am saying that people shouldn’t have a de facto system of ownership* with the notion that if they never write it down or discuss it then it doesn’t exist, and they can be Elite Independent Hierarchy-Free Enlightened Poly People! Ignoring your couple privilege makes you a Privilege Denying Dude, and if you don’t know what’s wrong with that, then you have much to learn, my padawan.
*(Do you own property together? You in effect own shares of stock in each other’s lives. Are you married? Look out, you REALLY own each other! If you can’t drop the other person today and walk away without a financial or social fall-out, you have a degree of ownership in each other’s lives. Again, this is okay if it’s what you want. Just acknowledge it for what it is instead of ignoring it, so that you can make more effective relationship decisions.)
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
