No comment, so the author can speak for herself:

The trans men in the room (who inevitably make up 90% of those in attendance) will often ask me, together or in private, how they can make the space more accessible to trans women and to trans sex workers. And I think about the things that they say about sex work, the way that they treat having their cis femme girlfriends in the room as being “inclusive of women’s perspectives,” and the fact that almost all of them either have degrees or are students. And I just smile say “I really don’t know.”

Read the rest!



Five genders

I thought this might be interesting to some of you. This is a group of people who believe that in order to live harmoniously with each other they must all openly accept all five genders. This culture is called Bugi. 

In essense the five genders according to this culture are cismen (oroané), ciswomen (makkunrai), transmen (calalai), transwomen (calabai) and genderqueer (bissu). 

It is sad that westerners are still hung up on the rules of religion and what is considered taboo. On the plus side, it is wonderful to see other cultures moving forward in such a way.

It’s nice to see that humans are capable of getting along and embracing gender diversity.  While our own cultural evolution may take a somewhat different path than theirs, it gives me hope for a better tomorrow.


Considering that Bornstein’s book actually says “It Gets Better” on the back cover as well as numerous times within the text and it came out a whole 4 years before Dan Savage started the “It Gets Better Project,” it’s a little weird to me that I’ve never heard Hello Cruel World mentioned in reference to the project’s history or mentioned by Dan Savage, even though Savage must have read her book— probably way before he ever had the idea for the “It Gets Better Project”.

Every time Bornstein uses the phrase “it gets better,” which is now cemented in our culture as the thing to say to suicidal queer kids, but lacked that legacy when Bornstein wrote her book, I wonder why Bornstein never got any of the credit for that. Not that it’s about credit—I’m sure Bornstein is actually pretty thrilled about getting the message out. The thing is, this is a great book and people should know about it, so it feels really unsettling that Dan Savage’s project–which was so successful that Google tried to take credit for it in one of their ads (totally successful advertising, btw, it makes me cry and feel loving feelings for Google, even though I hate Google!)–never mentions or gives credit to Bornstien or tries to promote Hello Cruel World. It’s not even mentioned on their website as a resource.

Why is that? Well, obviously I have a theory. I wonder if it’s another way that the LGB(t)q rights movement is trying to push out trans people and other weirdos or outlaws in it’s mission to gain widespread cultural acceptance.

Why am I not surprised?  Oh yeah, because Dan Savage is a douchebag whose only redeeming quality is that he knows how to get attention focused on QUILTBAG issues.




““Why can’t we interview you? We’re trying to do something for YOUR people.””

A reporter from my university’s newspaper said this to me, an employee at our school’s GLBTQ Resource Center about the repeal of DADT.  They are not permitted to interview anyone at the center due to a history of quoting out of context and being extremely heterosexist. I felt horrified, categorized.

See, this isn’t fair. It doesn’t matter what wording or semantics the reporter used, just by pointing out that gay people are a separate group. By the way, if it were true that the paper was outwardly antagonistic towards the gays, then it would be shut down or severely punished. Especially in a university with a gay sanctuary.

Lol at “heterosexist.” 

Just another special snowflake trying to become a victim. Don’t worry, little gay, maybe some day you’ll be able to honestly accuse someone of discrimination. That’s when you’re a victim superstar. 

Because it’s yet another example of cis straight people trying to use their straightness to muscle their way into other people’s private lives.  We don’t have a wide-spread cultural problem of trans people or queer people trying to put the “elusive straight man” on display as some sort of novelty or freak.  But if a queer or trans person says “hey, I want to represent myself instead of you speaking for me”, look out!  That’s self-victimization!

Like a boss.

This compulsive gendering of infants doesn’t just affect the life of the child, it also affects the parents.

Why do we, The Man and I, advocates of gender diverse parenting that we are, assign gender at all, no matter how provisionally?

Because here’s the thing: this parenting gig? It’s fucking hard. It’s hard intrinsically, one of the most physically, emotionally, and mentally challenging activities one can engage in in life, and certainly the one with the longest haul and hardest hurdles to “quitting”.

I still have so much shit to deal with, with my finite mental/emotional resources, that there’s only so much I can do. There are only so many choices I can make that take me out of the mainstream and into even-deeper public scrutiny, and still, y’know, survive. So I make the ones I do, the ones I can, the ones I am willing to defend in the face of the worst of the judgment.

Please go read the rest.

Parenting is hard.  Getting to make the best choice possible for a child in every situation is a privilege, not a moral obligation.

Call it schadenfreude if you must, but I love watching a hate group self-destruct.  I’ll save you the mental anguish of trying to read that entire email and share the highlights:

 Money is so tight here that I have had to scale back important pro-family campaigns. 

There is no chance of Presidential opposition.  We need to stop the Gay Bill of Special Rights ourselves, now!

This means we are going to have to work twice as hard and spend ten times more money in order to stop the bill in Congress.

Money that your Public Advocate doesn’t have as I write this letter.

Donations to my office are not keeping up with the need.

I am in a dilemma like I’ve never been in before.

You see, my office does not receive any tax funds for its important campaigns.

I must ask you to keep the information I am about to give you confidential.

If it gets into the hands of the Homosexual Lobby, they will use it to destroy me while we are weak:

My office owes $88,129.34 to Larry and other small businessmen in Virginia.

I hope you don’t think badly of me.  Some of this is now sixty days past due.  It’s not a major crisis for the small businessmen or me.  Not yet.

I absolutely must raise $107,372.19 in the next 25 days to pay past bills and keep programs going.

If I am not able to raise the money, I don’t know what I will do.

I don’t know how I can keep fighting.

I can’t go on fighting against the radical Homosexual Lobby if I don’t raise the money to pay the bills.  And I shudder to think of what will happen if the liberals in Washington go unchecked…

I asked my friends to sign an important petition.  And I am so thankful to my friends who signed their petitions.

But only 2 of every 10 people to whom I wrote responded.  That was less than I hoped for.

I felt as if I were all alone.

And it hurt.

And today as I look at the bills my office owes and all of the work that is ahead of me, I feel alone again.

world's smallest violin


“You may think you’re ‘happy’ by wearing the clothing of the opposite sex, but you’re living in sin and you’re going straight to hell! Jesus loves you.”

I’ve had friends and family respond this way.

"Sure, you’re happy now, but will you still be in 10 years?"  Will you?  Will anyone?  Happiness not guaranteed in life, but I’m not doing this for happiness, I’m doing this to live life more honestly.

"Stop trying to act like a man."  Turns out I was just waiting for someone to order me around.  Oh wait, no, that’s right: I wasn’t!  And even claiming I’m trying to act like a man is missing the point of how I’m not a man, I’m genderqueer.

Telling me to stop being my gender is about as foolhardy as me telling them to stop being theirs.  The only difference between us is that I don’t have a religious text telling me to boss others around.


“But gender doesn’t even matter, because deep down, we’re all the same. So why is it such a big deal what I call you?”

This is always said to me by someone who consistently presents as one single gender for their entire life: manly name, manly pronouns, manly appearance, manly social role, etc.  They never have their gender questioned or mistaken for a different gender, and on the rare occasion it does happen, they all get a good laugh and it doesn’t happen again.  They don’t have to live in a world where they feel out of place or disadvantaged for having an “invalid” gender, so they don’t have the experience of a life where gender actually is a big deal, because it never has been to them.

Attempting to reason with such people is a noble endeavor, but ultimately a pointless one, for the simple reason that they can’t personally relate to what I’m talking about.  The best approach therefore is to simply appeal to emotions by saying “because it matters to me, and if you care about my feelings, you’ll do your best to respect my wishes”.  A good friend will accept that as is.


“By embracing a gender role opposite your assigned sex, you are reifying gender/privilege and thus making it that much harder for us to smash gender. I know that sounds contradictory but, if you’d been a feminist for as long as I have, you’d understand.”

Forcing someone to remain in the gender role that matches their assigned sex is just as bad.  As is claiming that people won’t ever want to change their bodies for their own reasons.  Plus, plenty of trans people don’t even want to reinforce gender binary roles, but they have no choice in order to survive as their trans gender in a culture which hates them.  They’re as much against prescribed gender roles as you are, and are happy to buck the system along with you.

I’m willing to strike a truce with any of the radical feminists who come at me with this objection to my gender: you stop trying to force me into your gender roles, and I won’t force you into any of mine.  Peace!


“Of course I don’t have anything against trans people, but abortion/sex work/breast cancer/ovarian cancer/whatever is and has always been a women’s issue! Why do you want to take it away from women?”

Because asking you to share equals stealing.  Right…

Don’t you get it?  The more rights we all share, the safer those rights are.  If even a man has abortion rights, then especially women have them too.  If even a man has health coverage for breast cancer, than especially women are covered.  The thing about equality is that it makes the world better for everyone.

NPH: True story.


“Transness is just a white/abled/Western issue, so why should I care about it?”

This statement is so objectively false, it’s laughable.  Except that it stops being funny when it blatantly erases trans people of color/trans people with disabilities/trans people in non-Western cultures.

For starters:


“Look, people just aren’t ready to accept trans folks yet. So instead of arguing about what pronouns to use for you, we should focus on something we can actually accomplish, like [insert other tenuously-related SJ cause here].”

Translation: “This issue makes me feel uncomfortable to the point where I’d rather not talk about it, but I don’t want to sound like I’m an intolerant person, so I’ll pretend it’s because I care too much about social justice as opposed to not enough.”  You’re not fooling anyone, bro.

Look, the thing about trans people is… we know that most people don’t accept us.  We don’t need you to validate their bigotry, we need you to help give us the support we so desperately lack, to help us carry on in this society.


“I totally respect and support trans people, but I would never date one. Because ewww.

This information is almost always volunteered entirely out of context, and I always wish it wasn’t.  Why?  Because it’s creepy!  Why do you need to bring your genital fetishes into discussions about my gender!  I’m not talking about my gender because I’m curious about what kind of tail you like to chase, I’m talking about it because it’s who I am.