Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
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At some point in human history, people thought it would be a good idea to let men who hear voices from invisible friends tell us when we can fuck and with whom and that we should pay them for this so that they don’t have to get real jobs. Worse still, this is still considered to be a good idea.(via sexgenderbody)
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The possibility that the church has been wrong on the ethics of committed homosexual behavior — that’s a momentous question,” Gushee said. “It’s obviously one that people in the broader culture have determined a long time ago that the church was wrong about. But I would say that, from the perspective of any kind of understanding of Christian doctrine and Christian ethics, it is not an easy thing to throw (overboard) the majority position of more than 2,000 years.
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Greatest church mural ever?!?
Oh my Flying Spaghetti Monster this is for real!
Years ago I wrote a post in which I bemoaned the fact that no church would paint a mural of the scene in the Bible where Elisha orders bears to kill a bunch of teenagers. Well, a really talented comic book artist named Wes Molebash illustrated it based on my description. Here is what I wrote:
“That story is insane and here’s how I envision the mural. Elisha is standing in the middle of all these angry, bald hating teenagers. He looks really enraged and the caption out of his mouth says, “Do you know where you are? You’re in the jungle baby! You’re gonna die!” And then in the corner of the mural are two huge bears with hockey sticks. I’m not sure why they have hockey sticks but it seems a little tougher to me.”
Well, I found out last week, a church actually painted it full size! A guy named Scott Welsh sent me this photo, which is awesome:
I can’t even…
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Benny Hinn is really the Dark Lord… it all makes sense now!
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![This is what scholars think men in Israel looked like during the time of Jesus. If he tried to board an airplane today, he’d probably be hassled with racial profiling for looking too Muslim.
[Image of man with medium-tone skin, brown eyes, and thick dark brown hair and beard, similar to many Middle-Eastern men.]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhszp8ZttL1qgm6edo1_250.jpg)
This is what scholars think men in Israel looked like during the time of Jesus. If he tried to board an airplane today, he’d probably be hassled with racial profiling for looking too Muslim.
[Image of man with medium-tone skin, brown eyes, and thick dark brown hair and beard, similar to many Middle-Eastern men.]
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I’m free!
I’m so happy to finally be a young, thin, white woman who loves young, hard-working white men! I realize now that it was a delusion, brought to me by the Evil One, that I could ever deny the fact that there are only men who love women and women who love men.
You see, sometimes that voice inside is really someone speaking to me, and that someone would be the Holy Spirit. Unless it’s Satan. How do I know the difference? It’s not always easy, but it’s a good sign that it’s God speaking to me when the messages align with what some middle-aged white men have recently decided that an ancient text was really trying to tell us.
I realize now where I strayed from the path. I tried to follow my own heart, tried to find my own happiness by being true to my genderqueer self. Only, the Bible doesn’t want us to be true to ourselves, because we’re made of sin, especially women. It’s only when I confess my selfish desires and sense of fairness and standards for empirical evidence that I can finally find God.
Thanks to the help of Exodus International, I’ve managed to see what lead me down my dark path. First, sensitivity: Their research tells me that I shied away from physical aggression and I never wanted to hurt others. I was also sensitive to criticism and always wondered whether I was good enough. ”Inability to be comfortable in one’s own skin has brought an endless quest to have someone else’s – and never succeeding. The years of failed attempts have created loneliness, hopelessness, dependency, and yet isolation. Even from God.”
Second, this may or may not be the result of an inability to relate to my mother’s femininity or to feel a strong masculine love from my father. Sorry parents, we still don’t know if it’s your fault, but we don’t want to rule that possibility out too soon.
Third, I was probably abused. Sure, I don’t remember being sexually abused, but we all know that repressed memories happen all the time! I also witnessed some intense physical situations between my parents when I was a young child. Who knows if that made me afraid of heterosexual relationships? Then there’s the verbal abuse of being told that I don’t fit in with the other girls, which might have made me conclude they’re right, I’m not a girl at all.
Fourth, puberty might have been too confusing. All those thoughts and feelings, and if nobody was there to tell me how to sexually pursue boys in a normal way, it’s easy to see how I could mess it up and go after girls instead. Luckily, science as filtered by Exodus International was there to see me through to the bright side of life!
No longer am I a slave to the ways of the world, to the uniqueness and diversity of humanity nor the wonders and mysteries of science. I’ve found freedom in my personal relationship with my invisible friend, unlike the rest of you billions and billions of selfish people who totally are so full of yourselves that you’d rather burn in hell for all eternity than live forever in eternal bliss, just because you hate God. What’s wrong with you?
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I visit my family in Iran every year or so. People often ask me what life is like there. It’s just evil 24/7! Here’s an average Iranian living room:
- Death to America Couch
- Fanatic Feline
- Extremist Pillow
- Terrorist Table
- Fundamentalist Fruit
- Anti-American Antenna
The really sad part is that Hostess only makes Fundie Fruit Pies. Secular snacks are nowhere to be found.
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On prayer: fourteen theses
1. What is prayer? It is the eyes of the world looking back at God (Pavel Florensky).
So if there is a god, then even atheists are praying, every time we criticize its supposed actions as reported by believers and holy texts.
2. Can theology penetrate into the mystery of prayer? Yes: theology burrows into prayer as the ant makes its tiny tunnels in the earth’s immense dark turning orb.
Can theology ever start making more sense than this? I’m not so sure…
3. Once when I was sleeping, the sound of rain on the roof became, in my dream, the hammer of war drums beating in a jungle: a real sound, vibrating in my ears, echoed in the chamber of my dreams. In the same way, the vibration of eternity echoes in the chamber of our world when people pray.
Prayer makes us imagine things exist that are merely constructs of our subconsciousness. Check.
4. Prayer is restlessness and silence and sadness. It is jubilation and a cup running over and the sound of all the gum trees clapping hands.
It is spilled milk and a baby’s fart in the afternoon breeze.
5. ‘We do not know how to pray’ (Rom 8:26). The whole uniqueness of Jesus of Nazareth lies in this: that he knows how to pray, because he knows to whom he is speaking. His greatest miracle was not healing or walking on water or driving out devils, but teaching his followers to say, ‘Our Father’ (Luke 11).
The ability to form two simple words and to instruct others toward the same, now that requires bending the laws of space and time! That is a miracle!
6. Why do we close our eyes when praying? Prayer is not a turning inwards, not a withdrawal into the silent recesses of the self. Prayer is open-eyed attention. It is waiting all day on the shore for the glimpse of a rare bird. ‘You must wear your eyes out, as others their knees’ (R. S. Thomas).
I never close my eyes during prayer time. Atheist wins at prayer again!
7. Nothing could be further from the truth than the notion of prayer as a spontaneous inner glow or an uncontrollable gush of sentiment. Prayer is discipline, order, hardship, habit, obedience: whatever it is that makes up a life, that is what prayer requires.
Cookies. Life requires cookies. Prayer requires cookies.
8. Prayer and obedience are one. The monastery – that momentous institutionalisation of prayer – is founded on this truth. In order to pray, I bind myself to a rule, bend my will to another, submit to a grievous curtailment of the self. The vow of celibacy in many religious orders signifies this curtailment. There is some part of what it means to be human that is crushed in prayer. For the person bound to prayer, it would not be right to represent life as fruition, satisfaction, fulfilment.
God loves you so much, it wants to crush you.
9. At the same time, there is no greater freedom than the freedom to pray. Does God command us to pray? Yes – just as you might give water to a thirsty man, and command him to drink. God gives us permission to speak to God: that is the whole liberty of the gospel.
Oh, and I thought there was some sort of “forgiveness of sins” message in there somewhere. Glad we cleared that up.
10. ‘There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in’ (Leonard Cohen). The life that prays is an ontological fissure, a crack in being. In prayer, shards of light break through, and the creatures that dwell in darkness rub their dazzled eyes.
The creatures are living inside the lives? Now I see how prayer is important: it’s inhumane to keep them caged up like that.
11. What is it that really sustains the church’s life and witness? Our sacramental hierarchy? Our teachers and clerics? Our projects and resources? Our thick books of doctrine and law? Or is the whole church perhaps upheld by one old woman who shuts herself away all day to cry to God with sighs too deep for words?
Actually, you know what, I really like this idea. And not just the old women: everyone, go ahead and shut yourselves away for prayer. Get out of the way of the rest of us who are actually working hard to try to make this world a better place.
12. God is colour-blind. All that is powerful and wise and impressive, all those things blur together as a single colour – God can hardly make out the difference between them. Only the small, secret things are clear and distinct to God’s poor eyesight. The secrecy of prayer makes us visible to God: ‘your Father sees what is done in secret’ (Matt 6:6).
God is clearly a hipster.
13. We often complain about unanswered prayer. But if sometimes God doesn’t listen, or doesn’t hear, or doesn’t answer, we ought to be relieved. The Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind – and Job was lucky to survive the ordeal. Nothing is more terrifying than the prospect of an answered prayer. ‘For the sleeping god may wake some day and take offense, or the waking god may draw us out to where we can never return’ (Annie Dillard).
Atheists are again the most blessed of all people!
14. Sometimes I think prayer is all that matters. Sometimes I hardly dare to pray.
Sometimes I can’t stop craving cookies. Sometimes I don’t even want one.
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Almost everyone has heard of Joan of Arc. Yet today few people realize that in 1431, when she was 19 years old, Joan of Arc was burned at the stake by the Inquisition of the Catholic church because she refused to stop dressing as a man.The Transgender Studies Reader (2006), page 212
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Aww, is Google warning people to not join your Jesus-cult?
Daylight Atheism put it best:
I was incredulous when I clicked on the link, but it’s exactly as the comment described it: a Mormon editorialist who’s frustrated and upset that non-Mormons can so easily find out about the more secret and esoteric teachings of Mormonism without converting - which is, according to the author, “an easy way to do yourself more harm than good”.
What this really means is that Mormonism has some ideas so off-putting, so outlandish, so bizarre, that the church leadership deems them too dangerous to teach to seekers and newcomers. It’s only after a person has already become a Mormon - after they’ve already invested time and effort into the religion, after they’ve integrated it into their identity and personal life, after the cost of walking away has become much higher - that the church believes they can safely learn these things.
But then it occurred to me that Mormonism isn’t the only religion for which this is true. There are other religions which have teachings meant only for the elect, teachings which they’d be highly embarrassed to see disclosed and discussed in public.
So, since we’re all fearless, icon-smashing atheists, let’s blow the lid off of them and let in the daylight.
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The Power Key Change in Worship Songs
The Power Key Change – by Philip Aguinaga
Christian worship services sometimes use a defining feature that my friend and I have for years called “The Power Key Change” (It doesn’t matter whether the worship is contemporary or otherwise (What is otherwise, you ask? Use your imagination (and yes, this is a side note within a side note within a side note. I saw Inception recently. Can you tell?))).
I know you’ve heard it, most likely in a Power Ballad. The song will suddenly shift a half step or so higher in pitch to a different key for much more dramatic effect. The Power key change happens when the worship leader (using piano, guitar, or maybe even a harmonica) wants to really let you know that “Yes, we are worshiping Holy God, Mighty and Everlasting”. I guess the intent is to mirror His power by kicking the entire worship session up a notch (Yes, like Emeril. You just know the leader is thinking “BAM!” in his/her head every time the key change happens).
By the way, the orchestral master of this is John Williams. Believe me, listen to the Indiana Jones theme sometime and you’ll understand. Kenny G is a close second, but much more annoying.
That said, in any worship service, there are two people that love the Power key change, and two people that really don’t.
2 People that Love the Power Key Change:
1. Worship leaders
I think they usually love it because it shows off their vocal range, especially the male tenor worship leaders. But to me, I always think, “Look, I love that you have the voice of David. I really appreciate that. Listening to you sing is wonderful. You even have the audacity to dance while you sing, as David did, and in front of tons of people. I wish I lived that boldly. But sadly, my voice is more like I believe Boaz’s was. You know that a guy named ‘Boaz’ could not sing. Yeah, that’s me. Do you really have to sing higher now?”
2. Drummers
Next time you see a key change happen, watch the drummer start to build up, attempting to hit every drum/cymbal twice in the three seconds before the change. I imagine a little dream cloud creeping out of the drummer’s head at these times, and it definitely has a picture of Animal from the Muppets in it. (Another member of the band who I enjoy watching: the bassist. Whenever someone who usually plays the most boring part in worship songs can get into the song, I believe there is hope for all of us.)
2 People that Aren’t so Happy about the Power Key Change
1. Sound/PowerPoint Guy
Whenever a Power key change happens, all order and reason seem to break loose in worship. Now, that could be good, because I guess we are “out of control for Jesus”. But the guy running the slides with the words is frantically clicking to keep up (“Wait, he’s going back to the second line of the chorus?? Didn’t he just sing that?”). Meanwhile, the person controlling the sound board is merely trying to keep the speakers from emitting that annoying screech that is an emergency brake to any Power key change (You see, singing higher usually means singing louder). And if there is only one person controlling the sound and the slides? My heart goes out to this guy. He needs prayer. And an intern.
2. Men
Yes, finally we get to the awkward man-worshipper-voice. First of all, I always appreciate when I hear a man struggling with the Power key change, because that means he is actually singing, instead of mouthing the words. He’s made the effort to make a fool of himself. Why do men seem like fools when they follow a Power key change? Because there is a great struggle within men when the key goes higher: “Do I try to sing as high as everyone else, risking vocal injury? I guess it’s kind of cool to say I lost my voice praising God. Or maybe it’s lame. I don’t know. What I could do instead is sing down an octave. But then I stick out considerably. And I sound less enthusiastic. And maybe I sound like I’m trying to impress everyone. I’m really not. I’m being humble in acknowledging that I can’t sing as high as ‘David’ up there on the stage.”
Or it’s possible I’m the only one who thinks of these things. Maybe so, because sometimes I get distracted by my own thoughts.
Have you ever noticed a power key change?
Yes, exactly!
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Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. -Jon Stewart
(via Tru Dat)
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I’ll be honest: this is the best summary of the Birther movement I’ve seen in a long time.
Image is Facebook status which reads:
Ok i an not racist but obama needs to get the hell out of our country and in back to his he hasnt done shit but make alot of ppl mad and offended i want our religious right back butyou know he can do what he wants because i will always have god in my life and there is nothing he can do to take that away from of i love you god:)
(via Where’s the birth cert?)
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A sad day for equality and freedom in Hungary
I don’t know how many of you heard of this, but here in Hungary, the party in power put together a new constitution and the head of state just recently approved and signed the document.
The whole conception of it is questionable. They only debated in parliament for 9 days and there was an overwhelming 2/3 majority of right wingers there.
There were several peaceful demonstrations against some of the points of the constitution, and several international groups, like Amnesty International also spoke out against the document, not to mention the European Union itself.
Some of these highly questionable points are:
- Empahsis on our christian heritage.
- Disturbing lack of clarification on civil liberties.
- True life sentence in prison. Before, life sentence wasn’t really a life long incerceration. You could get out after a few decades, earlier if you behaved.
- A fetus has rights from the moment of conception. Basicly outlawing any kind of abortion.
- Marriage is only recognized between a man and a woman. N/C
- Genetically modified organisms are forbidden.
There are also a few point about granting the government more power, but didn’t look into that part.
More on the subject:
http://www.euractiv.com/en/future-eu/hungarys-new-constitution-family-friendly-hostile-gays-news-503455
http://www.euractiv.com/en/central-europe/hungary-constitution-trojan-horse-authoritarianism-news-504128Theocracy is the enemy of democracy.
Also unmentioned above is the fact that parents can now gain an extra vote for their children. First person who can give me three reasons why that’s a bad idea gets a cookie:
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In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench, vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offensed,
Or wear ear condom next time
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
