Nerd is my Gender

This is applicable to everyone: you want to grow out your bush and never shave for the rest of your life? That’s okay. You want to wax or sugar it all off so you’re as smooth as silk down there? That’s okay. You want to trim it, leave a strip, round it out, keep it low, thin it out, braid it, shave just your balls, shave just your pussy lips, keep it business in the front and party in the back? That’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not feminine enough, or sexy enough if you choose to keep your bush. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re not radical enough, or queer enough if you choose to make it bare.

Katie West (via sexisnottheenemy)

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1
Jun 18

The Beautiful Kind talks about sexism against bisexual men.

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36
Jul 9

People don’t need an ideologically superior sexual act, they need to be able to communicate and give each other the greatest pleasure they can while respecting their own and their partners boundaries. What erotic act that actually translates out to is entirely up to the people involved.

Iamcuriousblue

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7
Jul 12

I’m Too Smart To Understand Human Beings

[Warning: ableism.] Sean makes fun of Mensa for this, but I think it’s a good idea. Wearing color-coded stickers for how receptive to physical contact the individual is: red for “no”, yellow for “ask”, green for “yes”. This way, the huggers can all find each other, and the no-touch people can feel safe, and the room for “accidents” is at a minimum. His derision and lack of understanding as to why “intelligent” people would need to make their boundaries known shows a spectacular level of privilege denial, and I hope this catches on in the atheist and sex-positive communities. [Note, the comments seem to be worth reading for once, as people try to set Sean straight on the issue of touch and the autism spectrum.]

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Aug 13

2. Anal ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I still like having the option now and then.

I’ve never [successfully] done it, so I wouldn’t know. But having options is always nice. Having the option to quit school helped me not feel trapped as I pushed my way through it. But school and anal are completely different things (usually). So yeah… what do you all think?

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19
Jan 17

Ouch. Some of these sting, and it’s because I’ve said them before. Seeing them in this context highlights how much they suck.

[Image of text sayings, including: “Real women have curves.” ”I like big women (well, maybe not the obese ones) the sexiest. I mean, they do not need plastic and silicon to have nice breasts and hips.” ”More cushion for the pushin’!” ”It’s like one big boob.” ”Try convincing an archtypical ‘easy’ fat girl to let you do it with the lights on, or let you play with her belly, or refer to her as ‘fat’ without sobbing and trying to throw up the nice dinner you bought her.”]

Message from the artist:

So here’s the deal…

I’ve found myself in a very uncomfortable position with the kind of art I do. I am a queer feminist, I draw pinups and erotica and… I happen to be a large woman. AS SUCH, I draw a lot of fat girls. Now, I draw all sizes and shapes, but when drawing myself or girls shaped like myself I find a very unpleasant thing beginning to happen; I accumulate a massive amount of fat fetishists as followers.

Now, I’m not saying everyone with a fat fetish is the same, but here’s the thing I don’t like; It seems the current trend of the past couple years is that fat women are starting to become the new “IN” thing. Idk what part of that has to do with the fact that our planet has been filling up with more and more plump folks and what part of it has to do with the new hipster ideal of beauty; “nerdy is cool, crappy is awesome, ‘ugly’ is hot”.

It’s cool, it’s great, we’re getting more attention now, but why…? Well, it seems it’s mostly about sex. And that’s the thing that some of you will prolly find funny about me saying all this; I LOVE sex. I love DRAWING sexy things. I love LOOKING at sexy things, but when it gets to the point where I feel like no matter what I do, where I go, what I see it’s all this shit about being sexy and how fucking worthless you are if you AREN’T sexy… it starts to really piss me the fuck off!

I mean, Is it possible that for just a moment that we could look at women (or people) in general without rating them based on the superficial? Is it possible to be beautiful without being sexually objectified? Is it possible to be worthwhile without being “sexy”? I think so.

And then there’s all this shit rolling around that’s supposed to be empowering to “big girls”, but I tend to find it all really fucking disgusting. “Real women this”, “Real women that.” Fuck you. Why the fuck should I care if some fucking stranger finds me attractive or not? Does that define my worth? And what’s with all this anti-skinny shit I hear in “pro-fat” crap? Really, people? Is that any better than hating fat girls? For fuck’s sake!

I’m just really fucking fed up with it. Yeah, we all have our things, our kinks, our “types”, but don’t DEVALUE folks that don’t fit into your very NARROW ideals of beauty. And when the fuck did it ever hurt anyone to open up their eyes and really learn to appreciate all forms of beauty anyway, huh? FUCK.

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I’m very attracted to large women. I’m also attracted to women of all shapes. And people of all genders. But I have a special place in my heart for large women.

And it makes me wonder… am I fetishizing large women? Is the fact that I can ask myself this a result of the beauty/thin myth? I mean, if they were the standard for womanliness, I wouldn’t even be asking myself that, I’d be considering myself as “normal”. Is society so fucked up that I’ll never be able to just ooh and ahh over large women without second-guessing my motives?

I blame the kyriarchy.

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1
May 16

Trans Youth Sexual Health Booklet

The Trans Youth Sexual Health Booklet for young trans people was produced as part of a “You Know You” Young Leaders Sex and Relationship Project at Terence Higgins Trust. The project allowed young trans people, who may not have not accessed mainstream sexual health education (due to a lack of relevance to their own bodies and/or discomfort with the topic) to learn about sexual health. This booklet was written in response to the project and is aimed at young trans people and their partners.

Trans Youth Sexual Health Booklet

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41
Jun 29

“SlutWalk helps us keep our sexuality healthy from the diseases of fear, oppression, confusion, violence, self hate and fear of eachother.” Blue

[Image of woman of color wearing flowers in her hair and kissing into the air toward the viewer.]

(via Sex Positive St. Louis » Blog Archive » Blue Supports SlutWalk)

#SlutWalk
#sex positive

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285
Jul 7

“Clothes can’t talk. The women in them can. I listen to her voice, not her fabric.”

(via Tim Supports SlutWalk)

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1
Jul 7

Andy, are you a card-holding homosexual?

Because I have a legitimate question for someone with a better grasp on how homosexuals classify or define homosexuality…and this is after I was (no kidding) in “the gay dorm” in college. It was in a themed college in Northern California - and the dorms were all themed too…and our dorm was the “gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, Jewish” dorm.

So, how do homosexuals account for or classify people that have the urge to experiment and *like* it, but are “primarily straight”? There’s no great way to ask this question - and believe me, I’m one of the most LGBTQIA-friendly folk, but I still don’t know if all homosexuals are literally “born that way”, but I’m curious to know what someone of that orientation feels. Also, and slightly related, Is there any talk about (or truth to) the idea of a kid’s sexuality being “rewired” after some form of abuse? I don’t know if that’s still something people say, or if that was one of those things conservatives said to dismiss homosexuality as a “problem to be fixed.”

Anyway Andy, I appreciate you answering any of that - and if it didn’t make sense, I’m typing from my iPhone, so I literally don’t know how to scroll up and re-read what I wrote without losing it.

The classification of people into identity groups based on their sexual orientations is a recent development in human history as a necessary step toward political organization for rights. It isn’t, however, necessarily based on what’s most useful for people to relate to themselves. The “lifestyle choice vs born this way” debate, then, is also based from that perspective.

What we know about human behavior in all areas is that it’s far more complicated than that. It is useful in certain circumstances to help someone understand “I am not choosing to go to hell, I’m a normal healthy part of the human experience” as a way for them to come to terms with being themselves in a world that hates them. But I will point out that the problem is entirely external - if people would stop being haters, nobody would need to find a “justification” in genetic determinism.

But if someone were born one way, and then experienced a traumatic event (abuse or brain injury or whatever) and became a different way, how then would we come to the conclusion that there is even a problem to be fixed? Because its origins are something distasteful to us? That doesn’t lead us to want to cure Spiderman. Of course not, Spiderman is cool, and even a traumatic origin story doesn’t mean the end result isn’t amazing. That’s how it is with being queer. I’m baffled that people out there would suggest I waste countless hours trying to undo a part of myself that to me is a good thing.

Then we come to the heart of your question: what if we could chose? Granted, that’s still looking at it too simply. There are no such things as “free choices”, because every choice comes with a baggage of all sorts of good or bad consequences. We tend to focus on physical responses in our society: the physical response of being sexually attracted, sexually indifferent, or sexually repulsed by a particular body. But that’s not the only aspect of human sexuality that is significant in defining our choices and experiences. Personality is another: you know those people you just love being around, who make any activity more fun than if you had done it alone. Why not sex? Why not experimentation?

Well, it could be awkward. And there lies the heart of the matter. Awkward because society has wired us to feel that way. And sometimes people hear social training as something that you can just “choose” to undo. And maybe you can, and maybe you can’t. Again, that depends on the baggage of that choice’s consequences. (Go ahead, try to “choose” to walk down the street stark naked in front of an elementary school building, see what sorts of psychological and social trauma you might manage to escape.) It’s what is known philosophically as “compulsory heterosexuality” (this is where you have fun Googling, hint hint).

I’m pansexual. That means I don’t experience attraction along the linear scale ranging from homosexual-bisexual-heterosexual. It’s more like wibbly wobbly sexy wexy feelings all around. That means, I absolutely can have a choice in who I am attracted to and who I am not. Granted, my choice isn’t always the final say in the matter, there are some things I’m genuinely repulsed by (independent of gender or genitalia). I might have difficulty getting it on with someone who is a real jerk, or who thinks they’re a psychic vampire, or who is covered in weird pimples, for example. I am definitely into people who are smart and funny in a pleasant disarming way, and who care about me as a person. But damn, 7 billion people on the planet? Of course I’m making some choices.

tl;dr - You might be labeled “bicurious” or “heteroflexible”. If that sort of thing even matters.

(Source: facebook.com)

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17
Jul 13

Sex-Positive vs Trans* Equality

There is no “vs”.

I’ll re-emphasize:

THERE IS NO COMPETITION.

I don’t know where this epic battle originated nor why it’s perpetuated to the levels we’re seeing online (mostly targeted at Laci Green and at the so-called “Tumblr SJ Community”), but it has its roots in bullshit.

That’s right:

BULLSHIT.

Tonight I’m going camping with some awesome trans* peeps. We need body autonomy, we need positive sexuality, we need acceptance, we need the support of sex-positive community.

Tomorrow I’m going SlutWalking with some awesome sexpoz peeps. We need body autonomy, we need positive sexuality, we need acceptance, we need the support of the transgender community.

And you know what? Maybe some of us has let the others down on both sides. But we’re trying. We’re looking forward. We’re coming together tomorrow night for a Transgender Panel at SlutWalk (I’m going to see many of the same people at both events). There is respect, there is concern, and there is hopefully increased understanding and compassion for each other.

So when I see all this SELFISH FOOLISH BICKERING all over my Tumblr and my internets, I am hurt. I am drained of my optimism and hope. Yes, things may need to be said, and people may need to learn lessons. But when it fucking goes to 11 and stays that way for as long as this has, it’s time to get a fucking grip and either BECOME THE SOLUTION OR SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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johnnymurdoc:

Show Me Crowd Funding Campaign: Johnny Murdoc (by SexPositiveSTL)

Support local sexuality.

Is that even a thing? Well I say it is, so there.

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Sex – as its narrowly defined by heteronormative and acephobic interpretations of bodies and intimacy – is one path of many toward body liberation. For other bodies it may involve hugging, cuddling, good conversation, friendship, dancing, political organizing. These methods of obtaining pleasure are no less legitimate than the ‘holy’ power of orgasm.

QUEER LIBIDO: Protect Me From What I Want: Radical Sex for the Revolution

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23
Mar 19

“I’m just not attracted to X”

I’ve noticed quite a lot of “I’m just not attracted to X” in my years, where X happens to be a member of society that is explicitly propped up as “revolting” by the media and the general public. X includes trans people, black people, fat people, etc. “I’m not racist, I just can’t” I’ve heard. And you know what? I’m not debating whether someone “can”, or whether someone “should”, as if anyone has an obligation to prove their possibilities by forcing them into realities.

But I do expect people to be mature enough to know when they’ve been instructed “thou shalt not” from birth, that they’re not experiencing a unique unbiased independent pure natural totally-has-nothing-to-do-with-society attraction. Not in a society that has been flooding their minds from birth with these anti-X messages. I also expect people to understand that, even if it feels like their sexuality is operating outside of society, that their own messages which contribute to the “X is revolting”, even if not explicitly saying as much, are going to be added to that arsenal by society as a weapon against the next X person.

So again: I don’t expect anyone to run off and force themselves into sexual experiments or whatnot. That’s not what this is about. This is about being willing to introspectively critique one’s own place in society, and how deep that external influence can actually go.

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Nerd is my Gender

What's yours?

I’m Too Smart To Understand Human Beings

2. Anal ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I still like having the option now and then.

Trans Youth Sexual Health Booklet

Andy, are you a card-holding homosexual?

Sex-Positive vs Trans* Equality

“I’m just not attracted to X”

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