Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
-
i saw your post on pansexualpride and i wanted to give you props :)
i'm like you, where i rarely fantasize about people just walking around, and for this i thought i was the crazy one. although i am attracted to the same sex, i still find certain features and characteristics cute or beautiful or just interesting in the opposite sex. for this, my girlfriend thinks i'm crazy, since she's a gold star lesbian and my first girlfriend. i identify as a lesbian (and just came out to my lesbian mom a couple weeks ago woooo!), but personality is personality, and if that's what attracts me, then so be it.Asked by shanikins
Cool! Thanks for sharing. :)
Reference post: http://pansexualpride.tumblr.com/post/3167008239
-
Why, Dan Savage, why?
The asker starts out bad enough with his value-lopsided scale that has asexuals at the bottom and “normal” sexuals at the top. You could have eliminated such sexual-centric language by simply contrasting sexuals with asexuals with demisexuals all on the same spectrum of acceptability. But you didn’t. And then you imply that it’s less important for this asker to be concerned about his own happiness and that of any potential partners, and more important that he let the mere possibility of disapproval from sexuals dictate his actions.
You know what that’s called, Dan? That’s called reinforcing the kyriarchy. The language of oppression strong with this one.
<sarcasm>
It’s totally true: healthy relationships are based 100% on sexual gratification. The less sex you have, the less successful your relationship is AND HEAVEN FORBID the sex be sub-par. The less sex you have the less human you are. Do asexuals even have souls?
</sarcasm>
I don’t want to inflict myself upon anyone here but this entry fills me with a ridiculous sense of self confidence. My single, sexless life is fucking amazing and some day I might share it with someone awesome and, so help me Savage, we will go forth and multiply that ace-tastic amazing into quantities yet unknown to human kind. (possibly by using pi)
I love with my heart. My heart is not in my pants.
-stay awesome
-
Heterosexual Questionnaire, featuring Greta Christina!
-
Ciscentrism SUCKS!
when you’re trans you pretty much can’t win
trans guy dates a girl, he’s just “a super butch lesbian”
trans guy dates a guy, he’s just “a faghag fangirl gone too far”
trans girl dates a girl, she’s just “a dude who wants in on the lesbian fantasy”
trans girl dates a guy, she’s just “a gay man who wants to prey on straight guys”
and if either partner is genderqueer, why then you’re both just attention whores and trying to be special snowflakes!!!
notice though that usually the trans girl is treated like a predator and the trans guy is treated like a harmless but confused little lady
both suck BAD but this is why trans girls are the victims of violent crimes more often, they’re seen as deceptive rapists instead of as people
because it’s Totally Reasonable to think that someone would lose their friends and family and undergo mountains of paperwork, injections and surgery just for a sexual fetish or to sneak into women’s restrooms
…
Trust me, I do not think I’m a beautiful and unique snowflake. Much as I’m tempted to go around saying “we look like your average white-bread hetero couple, but don’t worry, I’m queer as all get-out!”, I know that it honestly won’t score me points either way. Playing by their rules only legitimizes their game.
(Source: denzel69k61242047)
-
Groundbreaking report released: 'Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations'
-
Bisexuals constitute the largest population within the LGBT community, but few services exist to address their specific needs.
-
One in two bi women and one in three bi men have attempted or seriously considered suicide. This is significantly higher than the rates for heterosexuals, lesbians, and gay men.
-
Bisexuals experience higher rates of hypertension, depression, poor or fair physical health, smoking, risky drinking, and other mood or anxiety disorders.
-
Bisexual men were 50% more likely to live in poverty than gay men, and bisexual women were more than twice as likely to live in poverty as lesbians.
-
In 2008 and 2009, not a single grant in the entire country explicitly focused on bisexual issues.
-
-
Ciscentrism SUCKS!: [Possible trigger warning: cissexism]
Blockquote City, population: this post.
Oh? It does now does it? Well excuse me if I don’t feel physically attracted to a trans-men and if that makes me any less of a gay male in your eyes. And no, it is not. This person happens to not find trans-women attractive, she’s not shoving anything down anyone’s throat, she’s not telling anyone personally that they are ugly. I’m pretty sure you have your own beauty canon so don’t come here all high and mighty telling people what they are supposed to feel attracted to or not. being gay/lesbian/trans doesn’t mean you have to think everything’s nice and lovely and beautiful. Everyone has their turn ons and turn offs, and don’t tell me physical attraction has nothing to do with love because as much of a small part it plays, it still plays a small part in a relationship.
Also: I don’t need big words (specially big words that aren’t even in my native language) to know that there are gay/bi guys that aren’t attracted to me due to race canons and I’m quite fine with that and don’t consider it a god damn hate crime and to know what the person I’m dating at this very moment thought he was straight until he met me. If you want to make a hate crime out of every little ting be free to do so, but you are what makes some of us sound like whiny little spoiled bitches. Everything is a personal attack to you people, hell you even turn on people that are on your side of the border per say. Would I like to marry my partner, yes I would, would I like to have a family, of course, would I like kids, a few cats and villa in south Italy fuck yeah I would. Would I like to be considered a beautiful little special snowflake just because I’m gay, fuck no, my physical appearance has nothing to do with my sexuality. If someone thinks I’m ugly, fine. If someone doesn’t like Korean beauty canons well la-di-da they probably have other beauty canons, the same way some people like blondes or red-heads.
Seriously, you just make a storm in a glass of water out of everything.Not everyone is out to get you.
Here. Stop being defensive for a second and listen to me, please.
The problem with generalizations about “I’m not attracted to X people” is that they’re based on stereotypes. If those stereotypes are of a marginalized group of people, they tend to be pretty offensive.
There’s a difference between saying “I’ve never been attracted to a trans woman” and saying “I’m not attracted to trans women”. The latter implies some fundamental quality about all trans women that the secret-maker finds unattractive — which… the only fundamental quality would be that they’re trans. Everything else varies.
Saying “I’m not attracted to trans women/trans men” implies that there’s somethingdifferent about trans women/trans men. It implies that we’re not “real” men or women. It implies that you can always, always tell the difference — which you can’t.
Even the hoary old “I’m only attracted to female-assigned genitalia!” stuff is suspect, because, well… I don’t know about you, but I’m typically attracted to someone before I find out the configuration of their junk. Not only that, but there are post-op trans men and women.
The reason people are responding with anger and unhappiness is that the dating game is pretty messed up for trans people. I’m saying this as a trans guy who hasn’t had a boyfriend since I came out; a lot of my nervousness about dating people comes from a fear that they won’t read me as a man. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who considers me a woman, because it heightens my dysphoria and inspires feelings of horror: the person who ought to be closest to me, it seems, is trying to force me into being something I’m not.
Similarly, I’m nervous that the gay community will never consider me a “real man” because I’m trans*. I’ve got a very awesome group of friends so I’m not going to be ~forever alone~, but I’d like to have a boyfriend at some point — and it’s not a safe bet that I’ll have one, despite being a very successful, smart, sociable young man who is (according to objective individuals) pretty cute. Why not? Because I’m a trans man.
So reading secrets like this inspires feelings of revulsion and concern in me because it plays into my worry that I’m never going to be in a romantic relationship again, and that I’ll never be seen as a man, particularly by the people I am romantically/sexually interested in.
I hope we’re achieving some greater understanding here, instead of shouting at each other.
^^ Commentary is spot-fucking-on, y’all.
so then is it wrong for a straight woman to say “I’m not attracted to women”, even though all women are different?
I’m going to agree with angels-tale here.
Just because something hits on dysphoria/a sore spot for you doesn’t mean the person who said it is always wrong/being transphobic.
I was wondering when someone was going to ask that.
My personal thoughts: I don’t think it’s necessarily correct. I’m not sure there’s a single truly monosexual person out there in the universe. This is not to say “all lesbians just haven’t met the right man”, because that implies a level of heteronormativity; it’s to say that I don’t think there are any Kinsey 0 or 6s out there. 0.0000000000000000000000001s, yes. 5.999999999999999999999999999999s, yes (and I’m aware that Kinsey scale is nonbinary erasing, but this whole conversation is binary).
But it’s not busted to say “I’m straight” or “I’m gay”. Not like this secret is. Here’s where it gets complicated: You have to factor in history & politics.
The reason this secret is busted is because a lesbian (a woman who likes women) is saying that she is attracted to trans men (as a universal) but not trans women (as a universal). There’s a lot of bad history behind that, specifically the erasure of trans guys as butch lesbians and the implied invalidation of our genders — and, possibly more importantly, exclusion of trans women from feminist, lesbian-majority spaces & woman-focused support networks. Suggesting that one is 100% straight so does not like women is not the same as suggesting that one is 100% lesbian and likes trans men but not trans women.
Here’s the message trans people get: Trans women, you’re not woman enough for a lesbian to like you. Trans men, you’re not man enough for a lesbian to be uninterested in you. This echoes the complete and utter fuckedness of trans guys being allowed in womyn-only spaces, but trans women not.
There’s a difference between a lesbian having an interest in one trans guy and respecting his gender, and a lesbian being universally attracted to trans guys. The latter is erasing. The former? Well, I wouldn’t date a lesbian (even if I liked women) because I’m pretty nervous about misgendering, but I don’t think it’s necessarily erasing behavior.
Look at it from the other side. There are a lot of straight-identifying cis guys who sleep with other cis men and consider themselves straight. This is why they changed the HIV risk group to be “Men who have sex with men”, not just “gay men” — people who were at risk did not identify themselves necessarily as “gay”. This isn’t a problem. There’s no identity erasure going on.
If you have a straight-identified cis guy who sleeps with trans men repeatedly and still identifies as straight, there’s a problem there. Is he identifying as straight because he doesn’t view his partners as “real men”? Is he identifying as straight because he’s bisexual but men are discouraged from identifying as such?
Or, another facet: I’m a gay trans guy. I’ve slept with a trans woman. I’m not generally attracted to women, trans or cis; this one woman was an exception. She didn’t necessarily believe me at first that I respected her gender (for which I do not blame her — I’m gay-identified, remember?) but I really, really do, and she finally believed me. Does that make me bisexual? Sure, why not? I was attracted to & slept with someone who is a woman, who I recognized as a woman. I am a man. That means that I’m at least a little bit bi.
Sexual identity is a funny thing, but it’s not unassailable. I go back to the old advice for this secret maker and anyone who empathizes with it: examine why you feel this way. Make sure you’re not invalidating gender. Make sure you’re not discounting all trans women as “male-bodied” or similarly busted terms. Make sure you’re not excluding them because they’re not “curvy” or “soft”, ‘cause many are (and many cis women are not). Cultivate a set of qualities that make you attracted to a person, not to a “man” or “woman”. Make sure you’re not feeling this way out of internalized cissexism. ‘Cause you probably are, if you’re comfortable making huge blanket assertions like this.
Also reblog this for awesome commentary.
Lots of people say they don’t like trans women, and they always change their mind when they meet me
fortunateson’s commentary is spot-on.
I know that sexual orientation labels are very important politically. I know that, unless queers band together, we’ll lose our voice in this heterocentric world of ours. But as a sex-positive humanist, I can’t let the issue slide: gender/sex orientation identities are detrimental to a healthy sex life and only serve to perpetuate the kyriarchy.
I get that some people are asexual, and to them a healthy sex life is never having any. I get that some people are only attracted to people after being emotionally connected with them. I get that some people are most frequently aroused by big hairy dudes with penises or soft chicks with vaginas. Humans are diverse, and there are no wrong attractions, only wrong behaviors which harm others.
But to integrate a gender orientation label as being core to who you are, to identify as someone who looks first at a person’s gender and as someone who guesses what’s in their undies so you can assign them to a category of “possible attraction” or “impossible”, that’s a little disturbing.*
It says you reduce people to their gender or their body parts before you allow them to be fully-fleshed-out human individuals. It says you place their bodies above their minds in the way you interact with them. Now, am I saying everyone needs to go to ex-monosexual therapy and force yourselves into a pansexual lifestyle? No, I don’t think that would help much, because we honestly don’t understand the science of orientation well enough to avoid potential self-damage in such courses of action. But I do agree with the people quoted above that we all need to be far more mindful than our culture claims we need be.
Back to orientation labels as political tools: I am pansexual and nerd-gendered. Now, if I marched up Capitol Hill and demanded rights for nerds who love other nerds (and some non-nerds too, I’ll admit), do you think they’d take me seriously? Of course not! I’m just one person with uniquely obscure needs. I have to join in with the collective voices most similar to my own, which would be the fight for trans rights. But even in doing so, I’m being stripped of my nonbinary identity in the eyes of the state.
Look at the media and you see polarized discussions everywhere, from the “marriage=man+woman” groups to the “gold-star lesbian” groups, from the forceful sex surgeries of intersex people to the gender-segregated public restrooms found just about everywhere, there’s practically no escape from binary thinking. Just because everyone does it doesn’t make it okay.
So if there is one message I want you all to leave with, it’s to please view your orientations as tools for increased political rights, not as prescriptive for how you ought to live your life. In admitting that there’s no prescribed way to live life, you’re making the world safer for people who don’t fit into the currently available labels. Lesbians, it’s okay to consider out loud that maybe you could one day meet someone with a penis you adore. Straight men, you too! It doesn’t invalidate your political identity one bit (and hopefully it won’t invalidate your social identity, unless your peer group is full of assholes) to be willing to step outside your labels. It only makes you human.
*Now, if you actually treat all human beings exactly the same whether or not you’re attracted (or potentially attracted) to them, then kudos to you. But most likely, you don’t.
(Source: queersecrets)
-
The Genital-Focused
“I totally respect and support trans people, but I would never date one. Because ewww.”
This information is almost always volunteered entirely out of context, and I always wish it wasn’t. Why? Because it’s creepy! Why do you need to bring your genital fetishes into discussions about my gender! I’m not talking about my gender because I’m curious about what kind of tail you like to chase, I’m talking about it because it’s who I am.
-
Sexual Orientation meets GenderQueer
Is there any sexual orientation that is exclusively attracted to genderqueer people? I’m pansexual, so I don’t really split hairs on which genders I’m into. But sometimes I hear people say things like “I’m a lesbian who also dates trans men” or other such incongruities. And it makes me wonder: is there anyone out there who doesn’t like cis people whatsoever? Or are we genderqueer peeps the freaks who must always be covered by the person’s coincidental attraction to a “real” gender?
-
Sexual Orientation meets GenderQueer
Is there any sexual orientation that is exclusively attracted to genderqueer people? I’m pansexual, so I don’t really split hairs on which genders I’m into. But sometimes I hear people say things like “I’m a lesbian who also dates trans men” or other such incongruities. And it makes me wonder: is there anyone out there who doesn’t like cis people whatsoever? Or are we genderqueer peeps the freaks who must always be covered by the person’s coincidental attraction to a “real” gender?
Seconding this question. Either exclusive attraction or no, it’s something I’ve found myself wondering about, both in terms of “is this a specific sexual orientation?” and “Fuck, how do I refer to someone being attracted to nonbinary people?”
Got the answer from delineatingkaj and nooffswitch and lissomedreams and mynameislyddy: skoliosexual!
-
the real problem is that even within the gay community, we still have a very shallow understanding of sexual identity.
The bottom line is that there is a big difference between sexual orientation and sexual identity, even if it usually goes unnoticed. In other words, the language a person uses to describe how they identify does not have to perfectly align with what their natural attractions actually are. -
Green Party Pro-Trans Pro-Queer Values
5. Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
In keeping with the Green Key Values of diversity, social justice and feminism, we support full legal and political equality for all persons, regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity, characteristics, and expression.
- The Green Party affirms the rights of all individuals to freely choose intimate partners, regardless of their sex, gender, gender identity, or sexual orientation.
- The Green Party recognizes the equal rights of persons who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, intersex, transsexual, queer, or transgender to housing, jobs, civil marriage, medical benefits, child custody, and in all areas of life including equal tax treatment.
- The Green Party will be inclusive of language in local, state and federal anti-discrimination law that ensures the rights of intersex individuals and prohibits discrimination based on gender identity, characteristics, and expression as well as on sex, gender, or sexual orientation. We are opposed to intersex genital mutilation.
- The Green Party affirms the right of all persons to self-determination with regard to gender identity and sex. We therefore support the right of intersex and transgender individuals to be free from coercion and involuntary assignment of gender or sex. We affirm the right of access to medical and surgical treatment for assignment or reassignment of gender or sex, based on informed consent.
- We will pursue legislation against all forms of hate crimes, including those directed against people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, transgender, and intersex. Offenders must pay compensation to the LGBTIQ people who have suffered violence and injustice.
- The Green Party will end all Federal military and civilian aid to national governments whose laws result in the imprisonment or otherwise bring harm to citizens and residents based on sexual orientation, or gender identity, characteristics, and expression.
- The Green Party will enact a policy that the U.S. Government recognize all international marriages and legal equivalents, such as civil unions, in processing visitor and immigration Visas.
- The Green Party would repeal don’t ask don’t tell, abolish security clearances denied on the basis of sexual orientation and/or gender identity, and supports the rights of defense personnel and volunteers to serve their country openly without penalty irrespective of sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity.
- The Green Party would end security surveillance and covert infiltration of organizations that promote equal rights on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity.
-
So I’m pretty much funsexual and pansensual.
If that makes any sense.
-
Chicks-With-Dicks, Trap-Chans, Chasers and Trans-Fans: The Question Of Fetishization | Sincerely, Natalie Reed
A response to this comment: The definition of a straight person is someone who has an strong aversion to having sex with someone of the same gender, however that person or their genitals look. While your birth gender may hold great importance to you, you do not have the right to say if this is important to your partner. I would not necessarily mind to have sex with someone who was concerned about my personal history, but also I would not wish to have sex with that same woman if she decided she knows more about my identity than myself, she is still a bigot. I sympathize with the confused cis person’s plight, that they want the world to be black-and-white, but I have to admit that to me, as to many people, that just isn’t possible. I know that this is not what you want to hear, and I’m sorry about that, but I am being honest here, and I hope you can appreciate that. Actually, what I think should not be the only thing that matters. Wear whatever you like, as I do, do whatever you wish with your own body, as I do, live however you like, as I do, and stuff anyone else’s approval. But… While I do agree that each individuals’ sex lives are their own business, when you connect intimately with another, it becomes their business as well, and you should first make sure that they know enough to make an informed decision about if they want to have sex with a bigot or not. That is, if you want to be honest and upfront, and really, if you don’t want to do that, then it’s not going to end well for anyone.
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
