Nerd is my Gender
What's yours?
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The paradigm of “women trade sex to men for affection / favors / security / etc.” is an extremely dangerous one. Because it posits that women never really want sex, it makes the bright line of “no, this time I really don’t want it” fuzzy, as if this were merely a breakdown in the bargaining process. It makes women seem unreasonable or even greedy for refusing sex when they’ve been properly “compensated” (see also: PUA culture) and makes men feel that sex with a woman who doesn’t want sex isn’t fundamentally abnormal. And this is why being extremely public about being an extremely horny woman is fighting rape.
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This is applicable to everyone: you want to grow out your bush and never shave for the rest of your life? That’s okay. You want to wax or sugar it all off so you’re as smooth as silk down there? That’s okay. You want to trim it, leave a strip, round it out, keep it low, thin it out, braid it, shave just your balls, shave just your pussy lips, keep it business in the front and party in the back? That’s okay too. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not feminine enough, or sexy enough if you choose to keep your bush. And don’t let anyone tell you you’re not radical enough, or queer enough if you choose to make it bare.Katie West (via sexisnottheenemy)
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HPV vaccination. PAP smears. Cancer screenings. Condoms, STI testing, education, UTI treatment, the first stop to getting that niggling pain in your cervix diagnosed, a way to be safe with your partner after your parents threw you out of the house.
Counselors. Rape prevention and recovery. Prenatal care, infant checkups. Referrals to high-risk gynecologists, birthing centers, doulas.
Activism. Protests. Petitions, phone banks, donation drives.
Planned Parenthood saved me, and they have saved others like me.
To say that they just want to prevent abortions is to stick their head in the sand and yell “LALALALALALALA I DON’T HEAR YOU” over the sound of millions of patients standing up and saying “NO.”
Doing something against our wills, despite us saying “no.” Doesn’t that sounds familiar?
Kaie’s response to hearing that the House voted to defund Planned Parenthood. Help us defend our rights: http://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/ -
Heterosexual Questionnaire, featuring Greta Christina!
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Ciscentrism SUCKS!
when you’re trans you pretty much can’t win
trans guy dates a girl, he’s just “a super butch lesbian”
trans guy dates a guy, he’s just “a faghag fangirl gone too far”
trans girl dates a girl, she’s just “a dude who wants in on the lesbian fantasy”
trans girl dates a guy, she’s just “a gay man who wants to prey on straight guys”
and if either partner is genderqueer, why then you’re both just attention whores and trying to be special snowflakes!!!
notice though that usually the trans girl is treated like a predator and the trans guy is treated like a harmless but confused little lady
both suck BAD but this is why trans girls are the victims of violent crimes more often, they’re seen as deceptive rapists instead of as people
because it’s Totally Reasonable to think that someone would lose their friends and family and undergo mountains of paperwork, injections and surgery just for a sexual fetish or to sneak into women’s restrooms
…
Trust me, I do not think I’m a beautiful and unique snowflake. Much as I’m tempted to go around saying “we look like your average white-bread hetero couple, but don’t worry, I’m queer as all get-out!”, I know that it honestly won’t score me points either way. Playing by their rules only legitimizes their game.
(Source: denzel69k61242047)
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Groundbreaking report released: 'Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations'
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Bisexuals constitute the largest population within the LGBT community, but few services exist to address their specific needs.
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One in two bi women and one in three bi men have attempted or seriously considered suicide. This is significantly higher than the rates for heterosexuals, lesbians, and gay men.
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Bisexuals experience higher rates of hypertension, depression, poor or fair physical health, smoking, risky drinking, and other mood or anxiety disorders.
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Bisexual men were 50% more likely to live in poverty than gay men, and bisexual women were more than twice as likely to live in poverty as lesbians.
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In 2008 and 2009, not a single grant in the entire country explicitly focused on bisexual issues.
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12 Golden Rules For Picking Up Women
People ask me, “Andy, what makes you so good at picking up women? Even when I stick to the thin ones, I just can’t sweep them off their feet!” Don’t worry, it’s easy! Just follow Ask Men’s 12 Golden Rules for Picking Up Women.
- Always be mentally ready to pick up. Visualize yourself as a heavy lifter in all you do. Be on the look-out for women in easy-to-hold positions. Don’t just stick to the usual locations such as bars. Remember that women are used to going about their daily business while standing on their own two feet, so when someone comes along that is willing to carry them, it’s that much more impressive.
- Don’t use pick-up lines! Cheezy: “You look tired… tired of running through my dreams!” Honest: “You look tired… would you let me carry you around for a while?”
- Don’t fear rejection. What do you have to loose? For a confidence booster, pretend like you’re approaching her simply to treat her like a normal human capable of having an interesting conversation.
- Read her body language. If she she starts rubbing her feet, that’s a good sign that she’s receptive to being picked up. If she starts running away from you, waving down security, or hits you over the head with her purse, you might want to consider that she could be sending you subtle hints that she’s not interested.
- Give them the 15-minute test. This isn’t to say that every interested woman will be tossing her shoes into the air and leaping into your arms within 15 minutes. But chances are, if she’s not loosening her laces by that time, she’s probably quite content to stand on her own two feet without any assistance from yourself.
- Know when to cut your losses. Sure, she may have let you give her a foot-rub, but if she indicates that she’ll only let one particular person hold her on hir shoulders, you’d better take that as a sign that you won’t be doing any heavy lifting with her later.
- Use negative hits. This isn’t to say you walk right up to her and say “You UGLY, you’d have to pay me to pick you up!” Try something subtle like “I see you’re not obsessed with dieting like some women, which is good, because they always feel so frail and flimsy when I carry them around.”
- Don’t lie. This doesn’t mean you need to come right out and say “I’ll toss any woman I see over my shoulders like a cave man!” But if you’ve been practicing your heavy lifting on more than one woman, it is a good idea to let her know up front.
- Get a good wingman. You will know that he’s your wingman and not the reverse by the fact that he will be scrawnier and less well-built than you, so women know which one of you is best suited carrying her weight. Of course, there’s the chance that you actually respect and value him as a friend, in which case you may wish to take turns looking scrawny, or else get a wingman which is actually a cardboard cut-out of Jim Carry to accompany yourself.
- Always close the day. Suggest that the two of you go to a running track or a public park somewhere. If all else fails, at least get her email so you can feel personally validated.
- Work on many leads simultaneously. While carrying one woman around, you may a new technique that you can practice out on your next pick-up like a super-star. After all, what are women other than practice-runs for more women?
- Think of your strengths in the eyes of your prey. To translate for all you non-predators out there, this means to remember that women don’t necessarily think the way you want them to, so you have to acknowledge that. For example, you may think showing off your biceps is a good way to advertise your pick-up abilities, while she’s actually more interested in someone with strong legs.
There you have it: how to be a pick-up artist. And remember, never lift with your back!
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SGB. Are you a feminist?
C&P. No, we’re for equality.
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CONSENT IS SEXY, FOLKS
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If you don’t care about my health, hands off my body!
And seriously, this applies to everyone, not just people who have vaginas (misrepresented by the video as automatically equaling ”women”).
Transcript:
Hello, I am a woman. I am a woman. I’m a woman. A female of the species. You can tell because of the whole vagina having thing.
Often American women depend on Planned Parenthood for medical care. It’s like doctors and stuff. Otherwise many women can’t afford basic care. Period.
It’s come to my attention–as a woman–that there are people who would like to stop funding for Planned Parenthood.
Ok. Ok. People can believe what they want. But if you’re a man who doesn’t care about women’s sexual health. Then that is duly f*cking noted. And there’s nothing less hot than a man who doesn’t care about vaginas. My vagina, for your intents and purposes, is off the table. Period.
I’m not saying that people who oppose basic funding for women’s health care can go f*ck themselves. But, as far as I’m concerned, they won’t have any other options.
Vagina havers: Does your sexual partner support vaginas? If not, tell him how he can go get f*cked. Alone.
(Source: feministing.com)
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AUSTRALIA: Armistead Maupin & Husband Denied Restroom For "Real Men'
Reminder: gender is not dependent upon sexual orientation.
Last week famed author Armistead Maupin and his husband Christopher Turner were treated shamefully by the bartender at an Alice Springs, Australia restaurant.
According to Mr Maupin, they were told to take a seat, after which Mr Maupin’s husband Chris asked if he could use a rest room. “The guy said, sorry, we don’t have one in here but you can go across the street to the public facility.” Mr Maupin, who had used the toilet in Bojangles the day before, said he pointed in the direction of the toilet and said ‘what’s that over there?’ “[The barman] gave me a very pointed look and said that’s reserved for ‘real men’,” said Mr Maupin. “Neither one of us could quite believe he’d said it, and he actually repeated it, [he said] ‘see the sign on the door, it says gents, it’s for real men.’” Mr Maupin and Mr Turner immediately left the establishment and made an official complaint at the Visitor Information Centre. “I think it was less than 24 hours later that we got an email from Peter Griggs in the tourism office saying he’d spoken to the proprieter of the business who was just as shocked as we were and that the man had extended his apologies.”
Last night Maupin commented on his Facebook page: “Just to be clear: There are no apologies necessary from either Alice Springs or Australia. I’ve never felt more welcomed by a country. This was a lone gunman, and we just handed him his balls on a platter. It’s over.” -
Is It Natural for Older Guys to Lust After Young Women?
A true story about the way younger women really see “older men” (and if you’re attracted to 18- to 24-year-olds, you count as “older” if you’re on the high side of 30).
A few years ago, my friend Sean went through a rough divorce. Newly single and almost 40, he went back on the dating scene for the first time in over a decade. But the woman who caught his eye wasn’t someone he met online. She was his favorite barista at his local Starbucks. She was 19.
Every afternoon for weeks, Sean would order his latté and chat up the gal behind the counter. He was slowly working up his courage to ask for her number—until she made the first move one day when he was the only customer in line.
“Uh, can I ask you something?” Her embarrassed grin seemed full of promise.
“Sure,” Sean said, his heart starting to race.
“Are you single?”
Wow, Sean thought to himself, this is easier than I thought. “Sure am!”
“Well, I know this is weird,” the barista said, “but you seem really great and I really want to introduce you to my mother. She’s really awesome, and I think you two would have a lot in common.”
Sean was crestfallen. He took the mother’s number, but never called. And he never went back to that Starbucks. “How can I date a woman my age when I’m already so attracted to her daughter?”
Too many of us are like Sean, flattering ourselves that we’re still desirable to women young enough to be our daughters.
It is a social illness that men are taught to expect that younger women will overlook how old and grey they’ve become, when those same men are not expected to overlook the signs of aging in women their own age.
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Ciscentrism SUCKS!: [Possible trigger warning: cissexism]
Blockquote City, population: this post.
Oh? It does now does it? Well excuse me if I don’t feel physically attracted to a trans-men and if that makes me any less of a gay male in your eyes. And no, it is not. This person happens to not find trans-women attractive, she’s not shoving anything down anyone’s throat, she’s not telling anyone personally that they are ugly. I’m pretty sure you have your own beauty canon so don’t come here all high and mighty telling people what they are supposed to feel attracted to or not. being gay/lesbian/trans doesn’t mean you have to think everything’s nice and lovely and beautiful. Everyone has their turn ons and turn offs, and don’t tell me physical attraction has nothing to do with love because as much of a small part it plays, it still plays a small part in a relationship.
Also: I don’t need big words (specially big words that aren’t even in my native language) to know that there are gay/bi guys that aren’t attracted to me due to race canons and I’m quite fine with that and don’t consider it a god damn hate crime and to know what the person I’m dating at this very moment thought he was straight until he met me. If you want to make a hate crime out of every little ting be free to do so, but you are what makes some of us sound like whiny little spoiled bitches. Everything is a personal attack to you people, hell you even turn on people that are on your side of the border per say. Would I like to marry my partner, yes I would, would I like to have a family, of course, would I like kids, a few cats and villa in south Italy fuck yeah I would. Would I like to be considered a beautiful little special snowflake just because I’m gay, fuck no, my physical appearance has nothing to do with my sexuality. If someone thinks I’m ugly, fine. If someone doesn’t like Korean beauty canons well la-di-da they probably have other beauty canons, the same way some people like blondes or red-heads.
Seriously, you just make a storm in a glass of water out of everything.Not everyone is out to get you.
Here. Stop being defensive for a second and listen to me, please.
The problem with generalizations about “I’m not attracted to X people” is that they’re based on stereotypes. If those stereotypes are of a marginalized group of people, they tend to be pretty offensive.
There’s a difference between saying “I’ve never been attracted to a trans woman” and saying “I’m not attracted to trans women”. The latter implies some fundamental quality about all trans women that the secret-maker finds unattractive — which… the only fundamental quality would be that they’re trans. Everything else varies.
Saying “I’m not attracted to trans women/trans men” implies that there’s somethingdifferent about trans women/trans men. It implies that we’re not “real” men or women. It implies that you can always, always tell the difference — which you can’t.
Even the hoary old “I’m only attracted to female-assigned genitalia!” stuff is suspect, because, well… I don’t know about you, but I’m typically attracted to someone before I find out the configuration of their junk. Not only that, but there are post-op trans men and women.
The reason people are responding with anger and unhappiness is that the dating game is pretty messed up for trans people. I’m saying this as a trans guy who hasn’t had a boyfriend since I came out; a lot of my nervousness about dating people comes from a fear that they won’t read me as a man. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who considers me a woman, because it heightens my dysphoria and inspires feelings of horror: the person who ought to be closest to me, it seems, is trying to force me into being something I’m not.
Similarly, I’m nervous that the gay community will never consider me a “real man” because I’m trans*. I’ve got a very awesome group of friends so I’m not going to be ~forever alone~, but I’d like to have a boyfriend at some point — and it’s not a safe bet that I’ll have one, despite being a very successful, smart, sociable young man who is (according to objective individuals) pretty cute. Why not? Because I’m a trans man.
So reading secrets like this inspires feelings of revulsion and concern in me because it plays into my worry that I’m never going to be in a romantic relationship again, and that I’ll never be seen as a man, particularly by the people I am romantically/sexually interested in.
I hope we’re achieving some greater understanding here, instead of shouting at each other.
^^ Commentary is spot-fucking-on, y’all.
so then is it wrong for a straight woman to say “I’m not attracted to women”, even though all women are different?
I’m going to agree with angels-tale here.
Just because something hits on dysphoria/a sore spot for you doesn’t mean the person who said it is always wrong/being transphobic.
I was wondering when someone was going to ask that.
My personal thoughts: I don’t think it’s necessarily correct. I’m not sure there’s a single truly monosexual person out there in the universe. This is not to say “all lesbians just haven’t met the right man”, because that implies a level of heteronormativity; it’s to say that I don’t think there are any Kinsey 0 or 6s out there. 0.0000000000000000000000001s, yes. 5.999999999999999999999999999999s, yes (and I’m aware that Kinsey scale is nonbinary erasing, but this whole conversation is binary).
But it’s not busted to say “I’m straight” or “I’m gay”. Not like this secret is. Here’s where it gets complicated: You have to factor in history & politics.
The reason this secret is busted is because a lesbian (a woman who likes women) is saying that she is attracted to trans men (as a universal) but not trans women (as a universal). There’s a lot of bad history behind that, specifically the erasure of trans guys as butch lesbians and the implied invalidation of our genders — and, possibly more importantly, exclusion of trans women from feminist, lesbian-majority spaces & woman-focused support networks. Suggesting that one is 100% straight so does not like women is not the same as suggesting that one is 100% lesbian and likes trans men but not trans women.
Here’s the message trans people get: Trans women, you’re not woman enough for a lesbian to like you. Trans men, you’re not man enough for a lesbian to be uninterested in you. This echoes the complete and utter fuckedness of trans guys being allowed in womyn-only spaces, but trans women not.
There’s a difference between a lesbian having an interest in one trans guy and respecting his gender, and a lesbian being universally attracted to trans guys. The latter is erasing. The former? Well, I wouldn’t date a lesbian (even if I liked women) because I’m pretty nervous about misgendering, but I don’t think it’s necessarily erasing behavior.
Look at it from the other side. There are a lot of straight-identifying cis guys who sleep with other cis men and consider themselves straight. This is why they changed the HIV risk group to be “Men who have sex with men”, not just “gay men” — people who were at risk did not identify themselves necessarily as “gay”. This isn’t a problem. There’s no identity erasure going on.
If you have a straight-identified cis guy who sleeps with trans men repeatedly and still identifies as straight, there’s a problem there. Is he identifying as straight because he doesn’t view his partners as “real men”? Is he identifying as straight because he’s bisexual but men are discouraged from identifying as such?
Or, another facet: I’m a gay trans guy. I’ve slept with a trans woman. I’m not generally attracted to women, trans or cis; this one woman was an exception. She didn’t necessarily believe me at first that I respected her gender (for which I do not blame her — I’m gay-identified, remember?) but I really, really do, and she finally believed me. Does that make me bisexual? Sure, why not? I was attracted to & slept with someone who is a woman, who I recognized as a woman. I am a man. That means that I’m at least a little bit bi.
Sexual identity is a funny thing, but it’s not unassailable. I go back to the old advice for this secret maker and anyone who empathizes with it: examine why you feel this way. Make sure you’re not invalidating gender. Make sure you’re not discounting all trans women as “male-bodied” or similarly busted terms. Make sure you’re not excluding them because they’re not “curvy” or “soft”, ‘cause many are (and many cis women are not). Cultivate a set of qualities that make you attracted to a person, not to a “man” or “woman”. Make sure you’re not feeling this way out of internalized cissexism. ‘Cause you probably are, if you’re comfortable making huge blanket assertions like this.
Also reblog this for awesome commentary.
Lots of people say they don’t like trans women, and they always change their mind when they meet me
fortunateson’s commentary is spot-on.
I know that sexual orientation labels are very important politically. I know that, unless queers band together, we’ll lose our voice in this heterocentric world of ours. But as a sex-positive humanist, I can’t let the issue slide: gender/sex orientation identities are detrimental to a healthy sex life and only serve to perpetuate the kyriarchy.
I get that some people are asexual, and to them a healthy sex life is never having any. I get that some people are only attracted to people after being emotionally connected with them. I get that some people are most frequently aroused by big hairy dudes with penises or soft chicks with vaginas. Humans are diverse, and there are no wrong attractions, only wrong behaviors which harm others.
But to integrate a gender orientation label as being core to who you are, to identify as someone who looks first at a person’s gender and as someone who guesses what’s in their undies so you can assign them to a category of “possible attraction” or “impossible”, that’s a little disturbing.*
It says you reduce people to their gender or their body parts before you allow them to be fully-fleshed-out human individuals. It says you place their bodies above their minds in the way you interact with them. Now, am I saying everyone needs to go to ex-monosexual therapy and force yourselves into a pansexual lifestyle? No, I don’t think that would help much, because we honestly don’t understand the science of orientation well enough to avoid potential self-damage in such courses of action. But I do agree with the people quoted above that we all need to be far more mindful than our culture claims we need be.
Back to orientation labels as political tools: I am pansexual and nerd-gendered. Now, if I marched up Capitol Hill and demanded rights for nerds who love other nerds (and some non-nerds too, I’ll admit), do you think they’d take me seriously? Of course not! I’m just one person with uniquely obscure needs. I have to join in with the collective voices most similar to my own, which would be the fight for trans rights. But even in doing so, I’m being stripped of my nonbinary identity in the eyes of the state.
Look at the media and you see polarized discussions everywhere, from the “marriage=man+woman” groups to the “gold-star lesbian” groups, from the forceful sex surgeries of intersex people to the gender-segregated public restrooms found just about everywhere, there’s practically no escape from binary thinking. Just because everyone does it doesn’t make it okay.
So if there is one message I want you all to leave with, it’s to please view your orientations as tools for increased political rights, not as prescriptive for how you ought to live your life. In admitting that there’s no prescribed way to live life, you’re making the world safer for people who don’t fit into the currently available labels. Lesbians, it’s okay to consider out loud that maybe you could one day meet someone with a penis you adore. Straight men, you too! It doesn’t invalidate your political identity one bit (and hopefully it won’t invalidate your social identity, unless your peer group is full of assholes) to be willing to step outside your labels. It only makes you human.
*Now, if you actually treat all human beings exactly the same whether or not you’re attracted (or potentially attracted) to them, then kudos to you. But most likely, you don’t.
(Source: queersecrets)
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For the love of EVERYTHING…
…if I see one more news organization allow Republicans to claim that they are worried about preventing tax dollars from funding abortions, I will lose it.
Tax dollars cannot go to abortions. This has been true for over thirty years. Everyone in the House is supposed to know this, because it is a law and they are legislators.
Don’t let anyone you talk to get away with this bullshit. It isn’t true. They are trying to defund the other 97% of Planned Parenthood, which is preventative health care. That’s what this temper tantrum is about.
This is how I feel about the issue 97% of the time.
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Just put an oven under your bed, then after ejaculation you can share a warm cookie.
Obviously.
according to cosmo, you can also put a banana in your woonsocket and cordially invite him to swish his johnston around in your providence county.
Reblogging for the RI/Cosmo hate.
- How can he notice you when he DOESN’T HAVE EYES???
- Why is this written in the Dr. Seuss font? “Oh The Places You’ll Come!”
This isn’t from Cosmo, it’s from the Onion I’m pretty sure. Either way, I fucking love it for its absurdity.
“Today NOW!” is the Onion’s morning news satire. But I find it rather telling that Cosmo and the Onion are on the same wavelength these days. :D
Genderqueer with a touch of happy humanism.
